Alas We Aspire
by Beautiful1Disaster
Summary: Damon is killed in the future, and Elena is sent back in time to save him. When she finds herself in a past where Damon does not love her, and she has to fight for him and against an unexpected opponent to try and beat fate, she realizes she may have gotten more than she bargained for.
1. Hide and Seek

**Chapter 1**

**Where are we?  
What the hell is going on?  
The dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet  
Sinking feeling**

Elena gasped as she jolted into consciousness, springing deftly to her feet. Her eyes took in the dark room as she spun around, trying to find out where she was or how she'd gotten there. In the corner, her gaze fell upon the shaggy black mop of hair that she'd know absolutely anywhere. She ran to him, desperate to see his face and know that he was only unconscious, still there to open his mouth and tease her for believing he'd leave her.

Just out of reach from him, something snapped at her ankle and she found herself flying through the air. A scream tore from her mouth as a wave of pain flowed through her leg. Her hands swung around her, reaching for anything to grab hold of, but she soon landed roughly on the hard floor. She looked at her ankle to find the source of her sudden flight through the room. A chain was attached to a weird cuff locked around her ankle, and there were the red marks that could only come from exposure to vervain.

Elena inspected the contraption, trying to find a way to free herself, but the tube that connected to the spiked cuff, told her that her efforts would be futile. Whoever locked her up knew exactly what they were dealing with: vampires.

Son of a bitch!

A groan filtered through the air and she scrambled across the room, worry of vervain be damned. "Damon," she called out hoarsely as her hands shuffled over the rough floor. "Damon."

At the sound of her voice, he shot up, fully alert. When his eyes landed on her, he lunged forward, reaching his hand out to grab her, but just as she had, he came up short, bouncing back roughly against the wall as he cried out in pain. "Elena," he groaned.

"I'm here," she said to him, stopping when she felt the resistance from the chain. "I'm chained too."

He tugged at the cuff around his leg for a few moments before coming to the same conclusion as she had. In frustration, he slammed his leg to the floor, but his face quickly contorted in pain and he struggled to not scream as the vervain coursed through his veins. All she could do was watch, unable to do anything to help him, as he writhed around on the floor.

When the pain lessened, his head rolled to the side so he could look at her. "I think they go off when pressure is applied."

Not wanting to tell him she found that out after the first time she quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

He moved to his hands and knees and came to her, his movements slowed from the toxic drug he'd just gotten two doses of. Before he could reach her, his chain ran taut, leaving feet between them. The distance could do nothing to stop him from reaching out his hand to her, which she quickly greeted with her own, their hands barely touching enough to twine their fingers together, but they could at least find a small comfort in that.

"What happened? Where are we?" she questioned, her eyes frantically searching the barren room with only one steel door several feet away. "The last thing I remember is getting out of bed this morning."

"Someone snapped your neck," he whispered. "I heard something when I was in the bathroom, so I went to find you. I found you on the floor in the hallway, and before I could do anything, everything went black."

Elena shook her head, confusion marring her still flawless features. "Who would do something like this?"

For over eighty years, Elena had seen her fair share of violence being at Damon's side. This wouldn't be anything new for them, but no amount of torture and kidnappings would ever completely dull the fear of being held against her will, especially when she was blind as to who they were up against.

"I don't have an answer for you," he said to her quietly, his head rolling to the side, "But I'm going to guess it has something to do with me."

"They can't just leave us here," she pointed out. "Whoever did this, they have to come in eventually."

He looked over at the door that stood tall across the room, waiting for someone to open it and reveal what they were up against. With a sigh, he turned back to her, a look of sorrow on his face. "This isn't going to be good."

"Well, that's obvious," she snapped, her voice laced with sarcasm. Being married to Damon Salvatore did have a tendency to rub off on a person.

"You know the drill. Stick to it."

She nodded her head, not having to question what it was he was telling her to stick to. It was something she knew quite well by now. They were about to be tortured, and he was reminding her to get prepared for the long battle ahead of them.

Too long ago to remember Elena would have been shaking like a leaf at the mere idea of being physically hurt. Once you become a vampire and live for several decades, the fear soon disappears though. Throughout the years, she'd been tortured more times than she would have liked, but she'd survived them all. If anyone had thought of the technique, it had been used on her. She'd been staked, burned by the sun, and had vervain injected directly into her heart. She wasn't poor, defenseless Elena anymore, and she made sure everyone she encountered knew that.

Their time together hadn't only been filled with torture though. No, their years were filled with more good memories than bad. It was a strong relationship, one that had taken years to cultivate to the point where they both felt truly secure in what they had. They'd built a life together that she was more than happy to live for an eternity. Many might never be able to understand it, but she did. She knew she loved him, and as long as he was by her side, everything else could go wrong for all she cared.

That wasn't to say they didn't have their issues. They were still the same people after all. He was still a cocky bastard that drove her up the wall and made her want to smack him upside the head on a weekly basis. And according to him, she was still the stubborn know-it-all she had been at seventeen years old, but it somehow helped to make them work. They drove each other crazy and loved each other harder. Their fights were as volatile has they had been back when she was a human, but there was just the added bonus of makeup sex to go with it now.

There had also been the learning curve of trying to find the line that couldn't be crossed in their fights. It had been a tough battle that they'd lost on numerous occasions through the years, but practice had finally made perfect. Well, as perfect as they could get anyway. They'd found a balance through it all. He no longer went on daylong drinking binges after their fights, and she finally stopped telling him she hated him, even if 95% of the time it was only said in the heat of the moment.

All in all, they worked. In some weird, one in a million way, they worked. And she loved every moment of it.

Today they would come together and find that balance like they always did. They'd be the team they were and face whatever was about to be thrown at them. It wouldn't be easy; being tortured never was, but whenever she kept that goal in mind, she always got through it. As long as she had that hope that they were both coming out of it alive, she could hold it together and stay calm. There was no time for panic in a situation like this. Damon needed her to be calm and focused, and that was what she would be.

When the door finally opened after hours of sitting on the cold, hard floor, hands clasped together, they straightened up. Damon was on high alert, as they watched a man that could only be a few years older than both of them enter the room. His caramel colored hair hung loosely around his face, shading his eyes, but his presence loomed through the room.

She could feel Damon tense beside her and the agitation radiated from him in waves. "Jameson," he said stonily. "Long time no see."

The man smirked and pushed the hair off of his forehead. "Obviously not long enough for your taste to change." He bent down in front of Elena to get a good look at her face. Defiant, she lifted her chin and held his gaze, refusing to cast her eyes away. "Over 200 years on this planet and you're still pining after the same girl you were searching for when we first met."

"Looks are as far as their similarities go," Damon snapped.

"I don't know," Jameson chuckled before straightening again so he could stare down at them. "Miss Gilbert has earned herself quite the reputation in the relatively short time that she's been a vampire. There's some Katerina in there somewhere."

Elena steadily rose to her feet, ignoring the small voice of fear in the back of her head. "Salvatore," she corrected him. "Elena Salvatore."

She had been Elena Salvatore longer than she'd ever been Elena Gilbert and she wanted to be addressed accordingly. She'd come to appreciate what her married name did for her when Damon was not by her side. Two brothers were rarely found in their circles, and the fact that these brothers had not only been in love with the same girl once, but twice, and also killed a hefty number of powerful vampires throughout the years, gave their name a lot of weight in the vampire world.

As a human, the idea of using her name to gain some form of respect would have made her cringe. She had wanted to be independent and known for who she was. However, now nearing 100, things had changed – she'd changed. If using her husband's last name gave her an extra boost when she needed one, she'd gladly use it.

Besides, it was who she was. She was Elena Salvatore, Damon Salvatore's wife. She had been for decades now, and she couldn't imagine being a Gilbert ever again. She was Damon's and he was hers, mind, body, and soul.

"How old-fashioned," he cooed as his eyes turned to Damon. "You finally managed to land that traditional housewife you always wanted, I see."

Damon laughed openly at this statement. "I'm married to a doppelgänger, there's nothing traditional about her. The girl can't even cook."

"Cute."

"Okay, let's cut the shit." Damon jumped to his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. "Let's start with the basics. Why did you sneak into my home, snap my wife's neck, do whatever to me, and then lock us up in here?"

"Boredom, entertainment, revenge, etcetera. Take your pick." When neither he nor Elena responded, Jameson said, "You took the most important thing in my life from me. I told you then that I would return the favor one day."

"It's been over 100 years. Move on, already," Damon groaned. "Even I couldn't follow through on submitting my brother to an eternity of misery, and I can hold a grudge, believe me."

"She was my wife!" he shouted, his voice filled with unchecked rage and pain. "I shouldn't have to get over that. She was my partner and you killed her!"

Elena resisted the urge to cringe when Damon unashamedly shrugged. "She brought it on when she inserted herself in my business and tried to kill me. Newsflash, Jameson, that's kind of how this vampire thing works. It's survival of the fittest. Not my fault she couldn't hang."

"She was stronger than you could ever be."

"Then why is she dead?" Damon countered. "Give it up, already. She thought because she was older she could play with the big boys. I proved her wrong. Not my problem."

"Well, is _this_ your problem then?" Jameson motioned to the room around them and the shackles on their ankles. "Or how about this?" Elena froze when she saw Jameson pull Damon's daylight ring out of his front pocket, the dim light in the room reflecting off of it. She looked down in a panic to realize that hers was also gone. How had she not noticed that before?

"You son of a bitch," Damon whispered coldly. "You better kill me, because I am going to end you."

Jameson merely ignored Damon's threat and continued on. "So, here's the deal. I don't really care which one of you dies, but you have an hour to figure it out." He pushed a button next to the door and the wall seemed to open in front of them, and Elena realized what was about to happen. The sun would rise soon, and the grand window that was being revealed would flood the room in sunlight. With nowhere to hide, they would be defenseless to the sun, unless they found a way out of this before it was too late.

"Oh come on," Damon started, working hard to make his voice appear calm and steady, but she could see the fear in his eyes. "You're not really going to risk me dying. How will you get your payback if I'm not here to suffer?"

"But that's the thing," Jameson taunted him, "Either way I get revenge. It really is a win/win for me. If your precious little doppelgänger turns to dust, I will have successfully taken your eternity from you. You'll want to burn right along with her. And if you die, the precious baby brother that you could never just walk away from will have to face an eternity on this earth without you around to protect him and save him. Cause really, I hate you both. I just happen to hate you a little more. Either way you'll end up dead by the time this is all said and done."

"So that's how you're going to play this?" Damon asked. "You know exactly how this is going to end."

"Yeah, Damon," he smirked, "That's how I'm going to play this." He tossed Damon's daylight ring high in the air and watched it fall between her and Damon, bouncing slightly on the cement floor before it came to a stop. "You have an hour."

She could feel her stomach clench as she watched him turn and saunter out of the room, not a care in the world about leaving them to their deaths. What kind of person did this? She'd seen some messed up things through the years, but this was torture on a whole new level.

Once Jameson was out of the room, Elena turned panicked eyes on Damon. "What do we do?"

"We try and get out of these things, that's what we do."

"What if we can't?" She knew Damon was trying to be calm right now and think rationally about everything, but she couldn't do that. Without two daylight rings, one of them would die. They'd already found out hours ago that there was no getting out of these shackles. They wouldn't suddenly think of something now.

Damon looked up from where he was inspecting the cuff around his ankle. "We can't think that way. Jameson isn't bluffing, Elena, which means we have exactly one hour to get ourselves out of this or I'm dead."

"Don't you say that," she hissed. "You're not dying today." He wasn't ever dying. She would not live a life without him.

"And neither are you," he bit back, his jaw clenched tightly. "So, if you want to make sure I'm around in an hour, start trying to get us out of this."

Damon's threat jolted her into action and she went to work on the chain and cuff bound to her ankle, trying to be careful to not inject herself with anymore vervain. She'd already weakened herself enough with it; she didn't need to add more into the mix. Damon needed her to be strong and alert for this. Getting out of this would require both of them.

They worked frantically, trying to free themselves from the chains, pulling and smashing them into the ground in an attempt to break them. Nothing worked though. She could see progress, but it wasn't enough. There wasn't enough time. Looking at the clear window she knew that their chances of getting out of this alive were quickly running out.

"Are you ever going to tell me what this is all about?" she asked her husband, trying to distract herself from thinking about how quickly the night was fading into day. When she panicked her hands shook and she was useless to do anything. She needed to be as calm as possible. Listening to Damon could do that for her. "Why would he do this to us?"

Damon sighed and looked up at her for the briefest of moments before returning his eyes back to his chain. "I met him and his wife back in the early 1980s when I followed Stefan to Seattle. He'd been on one of his binges for a few months and I was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't get himself killed."

"It's always the same with you two," Elena sighed. No matter how much time passed, the brothers attracted the most trouble when they were together.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" She silently nodded her head and waited for him to continue.

"Well, Stefan started running in their crowd and I joined to see what they were about. It wasn't pretty. They weren't subtle or smart about anything. I finally decided to get Stefan out of there before things turned really bad. When I went to get him one night he didn't want to leave, and Genevieve came in as we were fighting. She tried to stake me, but she hadn't realized Stefan wasn't gone enough to let her kill me. He attacked her to try and get the stake away from her, but she was stronger and older. He couldn't match her. So when she overpowered him and was briefly distracted, I ripped her heart out."

"How did Jameson even know it was you who killed her?"

"Yeah, about that," he inhaled a sharp breath as he prepared himself for what he was about to reveal. "I may have left her heart in a box and told him to stay away from my brother or I'd make sure to reunite him with his love. I wasn't exactly rational back in the 80s; too much hairspray is never a good thing, even for vampires."

Elena angrily tugged at her chains. She couldn't reach out and slap him across the back of his head, so that was the best she could do. "You just can't do something mean without taking credit for it, can you? Yet, if you do something nice and selfless, you'll practically rip someone's heart out to keep others from finding out."

"Hey, at least I'm predictably unpredictable. Now stop chatting and break free from your chains. We don't exactly have all the time in the world here."

"So I've noticed," she snapped, but they both knew it was more out of fear than anger. Even if he had set this train in motion many years before, she didn't blame him for the position they'd found themselves in. It was easy to see that Jameson wasn't right in the head, and if he had been running around having a grand old time with the ripper version of Stefan back in the day, she knew she had to be halfway right.

No normal, sane person would do this. Hell, even Damon wouldn't do it, and she knew for a fact that he hadn't seen a day of normal in his entire existence. It took a demented and cruel person to think up an idea of shackling two vampires with vervain and leave them one daylight ring for when the sun came up. And they were paying the price for his insanity.

She could feel the sun inching its way higher into the sky and the panic rose in her, beginning to cripple her limb by limb. They weren't going to make it out together. That much had been obvious from the moment Jameson had showed them that window and the solitary ring. It was the whole point of his torture, to force them to lose the other, no matter which way that turned out. Now they just had to make the choice on how this would end. She knew they'd both be divided, but she wouldn't give in; not a chance.

When Damon hissed and jumped back she stopped all efforts to try and break free from the shackles. "Put the ring on, Damon," she demanded.

"You know I'm not going to do that," he told her, trying to move as far away from the incoming sunlight as he could. They had five minutes, at most, and they both realized it.

"It's your ring. Put it on."

He picked the ring up and threw it into her lap. "You're going to put the ring on, close your eyes, and then find a way out of this. Do you hear me?"

"I don't hear anything. I'm not putting it on! You can't make me and you know it."

"I can and I will," he threatened her, desperation creeping into his voice. "You're not going to die because I was a stupid asshole before you were even alive! Put the ring on, Elena!"

"No!" she shouted, throwing it back at him.

"Put it on!"

"And what am I supposed to tell Stefan, huh?" There was no way she'd be able to look his brother in the eyes and say she'd let Damon die. She wouldn't do it.

"That I died saving the woman I love. He would've done it for you once upon a time too. He'll understand."

"He'll hate me!"

She wasn't an idiot. If she showed up and told Stefan that Damon was dead, he'd be furious with her. Through all the horrible lows those two had been through, they were brothers, and Stefan loved him more than anything. He wouldn't even be able to look at her without knowing she was the reason his brother was dead.

Elena screamed as the sunlight flooded over her and she jumped back, putting even more distance between her and Damon. She was desperate to reach out and touch him, but it was impossible now. This was it, and she wasn't ready for it at all. They were supposed to have an eternity. That was the whole point of being a vampire and finding a partner, right? It wasn't supposed to end like this.

"He'll get over it."

"But I won't!" she yelled at him. "I'll never forgive you if you do this, Damon." It was a petty threat, and one that would never work, but she made it nonetheless. She could not take that ring and willingly let him die.

"I'm okay with that."

Of course he was. Damon and his stupid unintentional hero nonsense drove her up the damn wall, especially when it came to her, but this took the cake.

"You can't seriously think that I'm going to go on without you."

"I do think that, and here's why." She saw the façade finally break and his face fell with heavy emotion. "You're going to live because it's what I want, and because this can't all be for nothing. You'll get out of here, track Jameson down and stake his ass, then live on for an eternity, just like you promised me."

"I promised you that when it meant spending it with you," she cried. She hadn't come into being a vampire by choice, and it had taken her years to fully come to terms with what she had become, but once it happened, she was all in. A big part of being all in had been for him. So much of her vampire life had been all about him. She couldn't do it without him. "I won't live without you."

As she said those words, their time finally ran out and there was no way left to hide from the sun. It hit her flesh like a blowtorch and she screamed at the searing pain.

With nothing left to lose, they both came toward each other, crawling as best they could through the pain as the sun rose higher. Soon their entire bodies would be engulfed in torturous pain from the sun, but they still had a few precious moments left. When they reached each other, she grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed.

She held on to him as long as she could, but soon had to pull away. Her entire body was exposed to the sun now and she could feel her flesh burning to ash with each passing moment.

He smiled as best he could through the pain and whispered, "I won't let you die for me."

"No, no," she begged, "Don't do this. Don't say that.

"I love you."

Before she could react he grabbed her hand again and shoved his ring onto her thumb, and then pushed her away from him as hard as he could. She flew through the air, screaming as he stood up and exposed himself fully to the sunlight.

When her back collided with the wall she heard her chain snap. Weakened after being smashed and tugged on for so long it finally gave way under the sheer force of his strength, making it crack beneath her. The impact left her dazed and in a whole new kind of pain. She fought through it, lunging to her feet to try and get to him as quickly as she could, but she was too late. Arms outstretched toward him and screaming his name, she watched as he burned to ash in front of her very eyes.

"Damon, no!" she cried out as her arms connected with nothing but air. Her legs instantly gave out, and she fell to the hard floor like lead, her body heaving with sobs. "This can't be happening. This can't be real. You can't be dead. Please, no!"

Her fingers fell into the ash and the smell of burned flesh assaulted her senses as her body began to shake uncontrollably. Guilt wrapped a crushing grip around her heart when the sunlight flashed off of Damon's daylight ring shoved so far onto her finger, blood partially covering it. His symbol of life on this earth was now the symbol of his death.

After everything they'd been through, it couldn't end like this. They had fought too long and too hard to be together for him to be gone now. There hadn't been enough time. It hadn't even been close. At the beginning of it all they'd wasted so much time fighting each other and everyone else to prove they were meant to be together. Now, after less than a century together it had been ripped away from them.

He was supposed to be by her side for an eternity. After all she'd lost, every family member and loved one she'd seen die throughout her time on this earth, she'd thought she finally had something that wouldn't be taken away from her. She'd thought she was done watching the people she loved die. She'd thought it was all over, and she'd finally earned her chance to be happy and loved.

It was all gone now. He was gone, and she had nothing. He left her. Now, she was left to face an eternity without him.

Damon was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

* * *

Elena barged into the small shop in downtown Charlotte and the bell above the door signaled her arrival. She breezed through the small store in the front, knowing the person she was looking for would be in the back.

Elise's eyes widened when she appeared in the room, but she didn't pay attention to that just yet. Elena peered down into the eyes of the customer that Elise was currently feeding some bull to about how some random deceased relative was sending a message from the other side. "You're going to go home, forget that this ever happened, and come back whenever Elise calls you to schedule an appointment."

The woman quickly got up and left, her eyes glossed over from the compulsion Elena had just laid on her, and then it was just Elena and Elise in the room.

"You have some nerve coming in here and kicking out clients like you own the place," Elise snapped at her as she pulled off the scarf she wore around her head to help look the part of the psychic she claimed she was.

"You'll get over it," Elena assured her coldly. "Damon and I saved your life two years ago, and I'm cashing in on that favor right now."

Damon and Elena had met Elise years ago when she was just coming into her own as a witch and they'd managed to maintain a cordial relationship over time, helping each other when needed. So when the witch had run into some trouble of her own with a coven of witches, Damon and Elena had risked their lives to save her. It was a favor they'd never asked her to repay, but Elena was asking now. She would get her husband back at all costs.

Elise stood from her chair and went to turn on the overhead lights so she would be able to see well. "This must be something bad if Damon sent you in alone to negotiate this deal. Lay it on me."

"Damon couldn't send me," Elena said, her voice growing thick with emotion before she cleared her throat to try and conceal it. "He's dead, and that's why I need your help."

The witch turned on her heel, her eyes wide, and mouth open. "He's what?!"

Elena silently offered her arm to Elise. "Check for yourself." Elise looked unsure, but when Elena kept her arm extended she came forward and touched it for a few brief moments before quickly pulling away because of the onslaught of images and emotions. "Now that you know I'm not lying, you're going to help me get him back."

Elise immediately shook her head and backed away. "You know I can't do that."

"Yes, you can," she hissed. She knew Elise had the knowledge and the power, all it would take was her tapping into it.

"I can't bring someone back from the dead if there's no body."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to send me back."

"Do you know what kind of magic it takes to send someone back in time? That is dark magic, Elena, dangerous magic."

"You wouldn't be alive to pull your psychic crap on people if it weren't for me and Damon! You will help me fix this!"

Telling a witch what to do was never something that ended well for vampires, but Elena was too far gone to think rationally. Hell, she couldn't find rational if she wanted to.

She sat in a room with Damon's ashes for an entire day before she finally got out of that torture chamber. Her nerves were slowly starting to fray. Every ounce of strength she had was invested in holding herself together long enough to convince Elise to send her back and give her the chance to wrap her arms around her husband again. Once she could see him and touch him, she'd be fine. She just had to hold on until then.

"Oh, Elena," the witch sighed, "You have no idea what you're even asking me for."

"I'm asking you to give me a chance to save my husband. You know I'll do anything."

She could see the battle in Elise's head, at war with herself and what choice to make, but Elena knew she would make the right choice. At the end of the day, she knew they were friends. The relationship might be unorthodox and outside of what most people thought of friendship, but for most vampires and witches, it was as close as they'd come to the real deal.

Elise's voice was quiet when she finally spoke. "This spell, it is ugly and unpredictable, Elena. It's been done one time to my knowledge, and it wasn't pretty."

"I don't care. You tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

"Okay," Elise finally nodded and pulled the curtain back to lead to her private workshop, "Let's get my grimoire."

Elena followed Elise into the room she'd been into many times over the years, and allowed herself to have one small moment of grief as a vision of Damon wandering the room clouded her vision. He loved to touch everything he could in the room, always with the intent to aggravate the normally soft-spoken witch. Her eyes burned with tears at the memory, but she quickly forced it away and sat down on her usual chair at the table in the center of the room.

"So, what exactly does this spell entail?"

Elise took a seat and quickly found the page in the grimoire that she needed. "How about we worry about the details when we have everything we need? Let's just focus on the other stuff right now."

"Just give me a list and I'll do and get whatever you need." Elise, who was already looking down at the spell nodded and said nothing.

It felt like hours as Elena watched Elise read the worn pages, her brows furrowed in concentration as she followed each and every single word in front of her. Elena waited impatiently, tapping her foot incessantly and sighing every few moments. It was rude and ungrateful of her, but she could not stop herself. She felt like every moment she continued to go on without Damon ultimately took her further from him, and she couldn't do that. She could not survive an eternity without him. She wouldn't.

When she was ready to burst at the seam, Elise reached across the table, grabbed a pen and paper, and began to write down a list of things, most of which Elena could not read. She had no idea what Elise was writing down, comparing it to gibberish in her head.

"Okay," Elise finally sighed as she looked up. She tore the paper in two and slid one half across the table to Elena. "Here's your list. I'll worry about getting these things on mine, but you need to worry about yours. If you don't come back with it, I can't do the spell."

"What happens if I don't get everything? Is there anything else we can do?"

Elise's eyes softened, and she could only imagine the desperation the witch could hear in her voice. "This isn't an easy thing, Elena. I'm not just making a daylight ring. This is dark, heavy stuff. There's no other spell like it. If I don't have everything, there is literally no other option."

Elena looked over the list and was surprised when she saw one single item on it. Her eyes shot up to Elise and she questioned, "Why is Stefan needed for this?" She had been planning to simply keep him in the dark about everything and handle it all without him knowing. She couldn't tell him that she'd let his brother die.

Elise swallowed thickly and glanced away for a moment before she said, "It's probably best that you don't know anything until the time comes. I told you, Elena, this won't be pretty."

Her words weighed heavily on Elena as she rose to thank the witch and set off on her mission to get her husband back.

* * *

Elena's heart jumped in her chest as Stefan's door flew open and she came face to face with her brother-in-law. A look of confusion and slight surprise flashed across his face, but after a moment, he froze and quietly asked, "What happened?"

She'd spent the four hour drive trying to figure out how she would tell Stefan about Damon when she saw him, but all of her thoughts flew out of the window the moment she saw him. How she told him and what words she used wouldn't matter. It would all end the same way: her telling him that his brother was dead. So she simply cut to the chase, deciding they needed every moment they could get. "Damon's gone."

Stefan sprang into action, retreating back into his apartment, leaving his door open for Elena to enter. It was a small, studio apartment, so she could see him retrieve his suitcase from under the bed and begin to pack a few things. "What happened? Do you know where he is? Have you called anyone else?" He was asking the questions too quickly for Elena to intercede, and honestly, she didn't know how to tell him he was wrong. She'd thought her words and posture would have conveyed it enough. He actually thought she meant in the literal sense, as if he needed to be found. "You should have just called me. It would have saved time."

"Stefan," she finally tried to interrupt him. She moved closer to him, hoping he would look up at her, but he continued to pack, oblivious to the pain radiating from her voice. "Stefan," she tried again, and this time he looked up. "You don't understand."

"What do you mean?" He questioned and took a small step toward her, as if that would give him the answer to his question.

"He's not missing. He's _gone_."

"Elena, what are you saying?" His face paled and she could see the beginning of realization dawn on him, but he wasn't quite ready to admit it yet.

It was a complicated relationship Stefan and Damon had. One that even she didn't understand all these years later. No matter what they did to hurt each other or how far apart they got, they always remained brothers, there for each other when it mattered. Stefan was his baby brother and not even over two hundred years on this earth could change that for Damon. And as for Stefan, he'd sacrifice everything for his big brother, even her. It had never come down to that, but she knew the truth.

"He's dead."

"No," Stefan began shaking his head, "that can't be right."

"He's dead, Stefan. I saw it happen."

"Okay, give it up, Elena. Tell Damon to stop being a dick and trying to jerk me around."

Elena extended her hand to show the only thing she would be able to offer to her brother-in-law that would convince him that his brother was really dead. The light caught the shine of Damon's daylight ring. Stefan walked toward her, slowly and tentatively, unsure of whether this was all real or not. When he reached her and placed his fingers on the ring she saw the denial flood from his eyes and he staggered back, an agonizing groan falling from his mouth.

"Stefan," she said as she followed him, trying to keep her voice steady and firm, "I need your help." He shuddered and she ached to reach out to him. Though once lovers, they were now close friends, and it hurt her to see the agony rip him in two. The reality of her words were hitting him and he looked as if he wanted to be dead. "Please, I need your help," she whispered, tears burning her eyes.

He stood silently for several moments, and she was beginning to grow worried as to just what his reaction might be. He'd become calmer over the years, but if there was one area where his response could never be quite predictable, it was when it involved Damon. She had no idea which Stefan she would get by sharing this news with him. He could accept the pain and allow it to not cloud his judgment long enough to help save his brother. Or it could all simply be too much for him, and he could shut it out to embrace the murderer inside of him, the vengeful monster that would stop at nothing to avenge his brother's death.

People liked to believe the brothers were as different as different could be, but after knowing them for as long as she had, Elena knew differently. They were more alike than either realized, particularly in their love for the other. If he embraced his dark nature, he would massacre towns until he made Jameson pay in whatever ways he deemed necessary. She just hoped she didn't have to see it.

If he wanted to turn to that part of himself he could, but she needed him to help her first. Once he did that, he could murder whoever he wanted in this time, because it wouldn't matter. She'd be fixing everything where it counted, and it would undo any damage he might do. She needed him to come through for her now more than ever before.

Slowly, his hands closed into fists at his side, his eyes filled with so much agonizing pain that she could feel it coming from him. "What do you need me to do?"

"Damon and I know a witch who owes us a few favors that I'm cashing in on. She knows a spell that can send me back so I can kill who did this and save Damon. To do this spell, I need you. She didn't tell me why, but she said you're the key to it. Please, do this for me."

"I'll do it," he immediately agreed, no moment of hesitation.

Elena threw herself into his arms before he knew she was even coming, and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "Thank you," she cried. "Thank you!"

It took several moments for Stefan's arms to slide around her waist, and when they did, they were heavy and loose. "He's my brother, Elena."

"I'm sorry I couldn't save him."

"Me too," he whispered.

* * *

"Did Elise say how this all works?" Stefan asked after a long, tense silence in the car.

"No," Elena shook her head, "She just said she's never done it before and that she can't even send me back to a particular time or place."

"What if she sends you back to before you're even with Damon? How is that supposed to work?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you and I were together once upon a time. How do you think it's going to work if you get sent back to a time when you're with me, but you're married to my brother in your head?"

"Stefan, Elise is a powerful witch, but surely, a spell can't send me back that far."

"But what if it does?"

"Then I'll deal with it," she snapped, not wanting to even think that way. It would be some cruel twist of fate to be sent to a time when she wasn't even with him. Her life had been a whirlwind of one disaster after the other back then. She couldn't imagine trying to live through that all again.

"If it does happen, you'll have to tell me. The me back then that is."

Her head snapped in his direction. "Why would I do that?"

"Because I won't understand it in that time. I loved you once, Elena. You know how unstable I was back then. Besides, you'll need to let someone in on everything."

"Why would I tell you? As you just said, you were in love with me. I can't just pop in one day and spill this grand story of how I end up being a vampire married to your brother, and that you're totally cool with it. That Stefan isn't going to get it. I don't know why I'd even want to open that can of worms. Besides, I'll just tell Bonnie or Caroline about everything. There's no need to fill you in."

"You know why you'd have to tell me," Stefan's voice dropped considerably and he turned to look out the window into the dark night. "I know we don't talk about that time anymore, but you and I both know one of the reasons we ended was because of Damon and –"

"Because you loved him more than me," she finished for him. "I know that, Stefan. It's okay to say it." It had been a hard revelation for Elena to come to all those years ago, but it was something that she never would have been able to change, and in the end she had accepted that.

One night, back in the era where they still believed they were epic, Stefan had revealed the reason he'd turned Damon. He'd changed his brother to a sentence of immortality that he did not want, because for Stefan eternity would not be possible without Damon.

Looking back, she now realized that it was that moment she first began to understand where she ranked on Stefan's list. For as much as he loved her, Damon came first. It had been why she had never truly gotten mad at him for striking the deal with Klaus to save Damon's life, even when he'd let her walk to her own imminent death. If it came to her and his brother, he'd choose Damon every time. While he would have mourned her death, and maybe never even fully moved on to another woman, he would not have survived the loss of his brother. Without the existence of his brother somewhere in the world, Stefan would not be able to live.

And she'd been counting on just that when she had shown up on his doorstep. She was counting on his will to do anything and everything to bring his brother back to life. This would have to be a team effort, and a brutal one if Elise's words were to be taken seriously. Without him, she would fail, and she did not know what she would do if that happened. So she needed him to be selfish and sentence his brother to even more time on this earth as a vampire.

"And that's why I'll have to know, Elena," Stefan continued. "The only thing that will make the past me let go of you, will be if it means saving my brother."

"Okay," she quietly conceded. "If I'm sent that far back, I won't keep you out of the loop."

"We know I won't be happy about it, but as long as you tell me why, I'll get over it. I got over you before, I'm sure it can be done again."

"You remember when you came back to Mystic Falls after you had been on the run with Klaus for all those months?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"We were all trying so hard to bring back the Stefan we all knew. For a while I was convinced that I could do that, that it would be me. Cause, you know, I was 18 and thought I had the world all figured out. And then, when we locked you in that cellar to try and bring the _real_ Stefan back out, I realized it was never going to be me. It finally hit me that it would never be my love or our love that would bring you back."

"Elena, we don't have to talk about this," Stefan tried to tell her, but she continued on.

"That night I told Damon you wouldn't come back to us because you loved me, you'd come back because you loved him." Stefan's jaw clenched tightly and he turned his head again, shielding her from being able to see his face. "I don't know if he ever let himself believe that, but I knew it was true. And I know he never really said it, but he loved you, Stefan. He'd burn every city to the ground to save you. Nothing ever changed that. Not Katherine, and not me. You were his brother, and he loved you."

"For over 200 years, he has been all I've had. All of the fighting never changed it, not really. At the end of it all, I always knew he'd show up if I needed him." Stefan's voice caught in his throat and he tried to mask it with a cough.

The road ahead of Elena blurred and her eyes stung with hot tears. "I begged him not to do it, Stefan. I begged him to let it be me." There were no words to describe the guilt she felt sitting next to Stefan in that car. He'd trusted her to take care of his brother when he couldn't, and she'd failed. She'd failed because he died saving her. "I'm sorry." She'd said the words a lot in the past few hours since she had shown up at his door, but she found she couldn't say it enough.

"Just promise me you'll save him, Elena."

Elena turned to him, making sure she had his full attention and said, "I will save him, even if it's the last thing I'll ever do."


	2. Whispers in the Dark

Author's Note: This is literally a drive by update. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I was so touched and happy that so many of you seemed to love the first chapter. 60 reviews! Crazy! I hope this doesn't disappoint anyone. You find out some answers to some questions. I have so much more to say, but I am so out of time. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

**Fingers tap into what you were once  
And I'm worried that I blew my only chance  
But my heart was colder when you'd gone  
And I lost my head**

"Elena, wait." Stefan grabbed hold of her arm just before she opened the front door to Elise's shop and turned her to face him. The remainder of the drive to Charlotte had been a somber and silent one, both too lost in their own thoughts to be able to speak, but now that they were here she supposed he had something to say. "Why haven't you told me how he died? What are you keeping from me?"

"The how doesn't matter," she said quietly, knowing that she could not tell him the how, because then he'd want to know the why. Telling Stefan that he was involved in it all would only lead to bad things. "What matters is that I'm going to go and fix this."

"What does it have to do with me?" he asked, already putting the pieces together that she had hoped he wouldn't. Why couldn't he just come inside with her and help with the spell that would change everything?

"Please don't do this," she begged him. "Can you please trust me and believe that I will save him?"

"Wanting to know why my brother's dead doesn't mean I don't trust you. I deserve to know why I'll never see my brother again."

"You don't want to know this. You really don't."

Stefan had her pinned to the front of the building before she could blink, his arm shoved roughly into her neck. "Tell me why he's dead!"

"Because he was saving me," she choked out before pushing him off of her. "We only had the one daylight ring, and he put it on me. He was gone before I could even try to give it back to him. I didn't want him to do it."

"Who did this? Why did this happen?"

"Jameson," she finally revealed. "Damon said he killed Jameson's wife back in the 1980s."

All the fight drained from Stefan and he moved toward the front door of Elise's shop. That look on his face was the exact reason she hadn't wanted to tell him. She knew accepting Damon's death would be hard enough for him, but telling him that it was because Damon killed someone saving him, would only tear him up inside. He would blame himself and probably spiral out of control, in true Stefan fashion.

Until this moment she hadn't allowed herself to care about how Stefan would react once she was gone, but now she couldn't help but feel bad for him. Not only was he not going to have Damon, but she'd be gone too. Over the years, they truly had formed a strong bond outside of their romantic relationship. He was like a brother to her, and she didn't want to leave him alone in this time to suffer, but she knew she had to.

"Let's go in there and do this," he sighed.

"Stefan," she called out, knowing the guilt he'd just felt must weigh heavily onto his shoulders. "It's not your fault."

He didn't offer her another word or a look as he entered Elise's store, and Elena felt horrible for what she'd just told him. She hadn't wanted him to know the details like that, but he'd thought he had needed to know them. Now he would beat himself up over Damon's death and she hadn't wanted that for him. She hadn't wanted him to feel the guilt that she felt, too.

Elena silently followed Stefan into the empty shop, anxious yet nervous to find out the details of the spell that Elise had been so resistant to share. She was smart enough to know that it wasn't going to be anything easy, but it was what she'd signed up for. She'd do whatever it took to help complete the spell, no matter what it required.

They found Elise back in her workshop, standing over her table, herbs scattered around a bowl. Stefan stepped up to the table, a serious look on her face. "Elena tells me you have a way to save my brother."

"That's the plan," Elise said. "As long as you two are really sure you want to do this. But there's no guarantee that this will turn out well."

"What do you mean?" Elena questioned, stepping up next to Stefan.

"As I told you, I have no control on where or when you go back to. You could end up five days in the past or fifty years in the past. Magic like this isn't really something that can be controlled. It controls you."

"But I will go back, I will still end up in a time where Damon's is in my life, right?"

"Yes," Elise confirmed, "And whatever happens from there on is a whole new ballgame. You'll create an entirely new history for those you come in contact with. So, I need you to listen to what I say, and listen well."

Elise stepped around the table so she could stand in front of Elena and fully look at her. "You can't go around changing everything you didn't like in that time period. Some things were meant to be, and you need to alter as little as possible."

"Sure, okay," Elena agreed flippantly. Elise was acting like it was already a guarantee that she'd end up decades in the past, but what were the odds of that? She just needed to wake up and have it be a week ago. How much damage could she really do in that time span?

"I'm serious, Elena. You can't play God with this spell."

"Okay," she snapped back. "I get it, Elise. Now are we going to get on with this or what?"

She knew she was being rude to the woman that was about to give her back the one thing she wanted more than anything, but Elise had been around the block a few times, she could handle a moody vampire. It was hard to care about manners and humility at a time like this. She just wanted her husband back, and she wanted Elise to give that chance to her. Now.

Elise sighed and motioned them over to a large table on the other side of the room. "Both of you, shirts off, and lay on the table."

Elena glanced quickly at Stefan and then back at Elise. "What exactly were those details you told me you'd let me in on when the time came?"

"Remember how I said this wouldn't be pretty? Well, this is where that ugly part starts."

"What do you have to do for this spell?"

"Trust me when I tell you that you want to stay in the dark on this one. It's best to just dive in head first."

"Elena," Stefan lightly touched her arm to get her attention, "It's fine. Let's just do this."

He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and dropped it to the floor without a second thought and walked to the table. Elena had a moment of wondering whether to be uncomfortable at stripping down in front of her brother-in-law, also ex-boyfriend, but it quickly passed. It wasn't exactly anything he hadn't seen before. So she pulled her shirt over her head and followed him to the table, opting to leave her bra on. Surely, that would be okay.

"Okay, Elise, lay it on us," Elena said once she was stretched out on the table.

"You guys sure you're ready for this?" Elise questioned as she appeared above Elena's head, a worried look on her face. "It's going to hurt."

"Nothing can hurt worse than what I'm already feeling," Elena said quietly. Elise might be about to cause her a great deal of physical pain, but it wouldn't be able to equal the emotional turmoil going on inside of her. Nothing could.

Elise placed her palms on Elena's and Stefan's chests for a few brief moments before she pulled her hands away again. "Now that you can't go anywhere, I'll share the details." Panicked, Elena quickly tried to move her legs and then her arms, anything, but she was frozen. That bitch paralyzed her. What the hell did this spell entail?

"This spell requires me to cut your chests open down to your hearts. Though locator spells don't work on vampires, there's still a blood connection between family members. I need that connection from Stefan's heart to combine with yours to send you back. As I told you, I can't control where you go to, but this at least ensures that you will end up in a period where he's in your life. The rumor through the witch circles is that a person will end up in a period where their biggest regrets lie."

Okay, that was good. Her biggest regret was losing Damon, so she had to end up relatively close to where they were right now. All of Stefan's worries were for nothing. The spell would work out how it needed to. She believed that.

"Just make it quick," Elena told her.

"Okay, find your happy place." Elena barely had time to try and prepare herself for what was coming before she felt a knife slice through her chest, followed by the familiar burn of vervain as Elise poured the horrendous liquid into their chests. As her scream mixed with Stefan's agonized groan, Elise explained, "I have to make sure you don't heal before the spell is over."

Knowing there was no turning back, not that she'd want to, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything but the pain. What she was doing was for Damon. She had to do it to save him, all the pain in the world would be worth it. She simply had to get through it. That was what she kept telling herself. It would only last for a few minutes before it would be over and she'd have her husband again. She just had to hold onto that thought. If she got through it, she got Damon back.

She repeated it to herself over and over, forcing herself to picture Damon's face in her mind as she lived through each agonizing moment of the spell. Soon enough she would get to look in his eyes again and feel that her world made sense. She could do it. She had to.

For what felt like hours she had Elise's Latin mumblings and her own mantra flowing through her head. Just when the pain became truly unbearable and she thought she was reaching her breaking point, Elise plunged a wooden stake directly into her heart, and everything went black.

* * *

Elena hit the ground hard, dirt sweeping into her face and over her clothes, and vaguely wondered if a spell of the magnitude Elise had just pulled off couldn't give her a better landing than that?

"Elena!" She quickly looked up at the sound of Stefan's panicked voice. Her eyes took in the dark surroundings of rock and dirt, and she gasped. Bonnie and Sheila were looking nervously at her, holding the grimoire between them, and she turned to see Stefan's worried gaze wash over her.

Though it had been decades since she'd lived that night, she'd remember it anywhere. It all came back to her like a fragmented nightmare that made no sense but left her chest clenching with fear nonetheless. She was seventeen again, and Damon had gone into the tomb to find Katherine. "Oh no ..."

"Elena, I'm so sorry," Bonnie apologized. "We're going to fix it. We'll get him out."

"Get him out?" she repeated, trying to put the foggier details of that night together. She remembered the big stuff: Sheila dying, Katherine not being in there, Damon being heartbroken. It was also the night that led to the tomb vampires being out. And that was when it hit her. The vampires got out because something went wrong when Sheila and Bonnie were opening the shield for Damon and Stefan to get out. Damon was stuck in there. "We have to get him out!" she screamed, jumping to her feet.

"We will," Bonnie promised. "We'll get Stefan out."

"No, we have to get Damon out." She turned with panic in every movement she made to Stefan, who stood stuck in the tomb's opening. "We can't leave him in there, Stefan!"

"I know," he quietly assured her. "I'll get him out."

"I'm coming with you." Elena pushed past Stefan and rushed into the tomb, despite the protests that she could hear behind her. No one was going to make her wait for Stefan to bring him out. Damon was in there realizing that his entire life of being a vampire had been a complete lie, that Katherine wasn't in the tomb, and he was devastated. She couldn't leave him alone for that. He needed her.

She ran through the dark tunnels, following the sound of his aggravated kicks and screams. She could feel Stefan hot on her heels, calling out to her, but she paid attention to none of it. All of her focus was on Damon, and on saving him.

"No," she heard him grunt as she nearly fell into the dark room that was lit only by the torch he'd brought with him.

"Damon!" she gasped, and he turned pained eyes on her. "Oh my god." She went to him, her arms outstretched to hug him, to touch him and feel him in her arms again, but he angrily shoved her away.

"She's not here!" he shouted.

"Damon you have to leave!" Stefan said from behind her. "You'll be stuck in here forever if you don't leave now."

"Please, Damon," she begged him. "You can't stay in here." Even though he'd just rejected her attempts to touch him, she held out her hand for him and pleaded, "Please."

He looked down at her outstretched hand, staring at it for several moments before a dejected look fell over his features and he accepted her offered hand. When she felt his skin slide against hers she had to resist every urge in her body to throw herself at him and never let him go. She'd waited two days to be able to touch him and see him again, and it all felt so bittersweet.

Stefan had been right. She was stuck in some time period where she was supposed to be in love with him, and Damon didn't even give a damn about her. She finally had Damon with her, but she couldn't do anything about it, and as she followed Stefan, she couldn't fight off the tears that clouded her vision. The spell wasn't supposed to work out like this. She was supposed to end up in a time where they were married and things were fine. So how had she ended up here?

They came to the exit of the tomb just as Anna and Pearl were trying to leave. Anna was telling Bonnie and Sheila that she'd only wanted to save her mom when Damon ripped his hand from her grasp and he rushed past her. With an angry shout, he slammed a fragile Pearl into the rocks. "Where is she?" he demanded. "Why wasn't she in there."

"Damon no!" Anna cried out, tugging on his arm, but his anger only fueled his strength and ability to not be overpowered by Anna.

"Damon, stop!" Elena grabbed at Damon's other arm, trying to pull his attention to her, but it didn't work. She was totally nonexistent to him. He couldn't even hear her.

"She seduced a guard," Pearl choked out. "He snuck her out before we were ever moved into the tomb. She was never in there."

Damon fell away in confusion, and Anna took the opportunity to insert herself between her mother and him. "Last I saw her was Chicago, 1983. She knew where you were, Damon," Anna told him sadly. "She didn't care."

Elena had to look away from the broken look on Damon's face as Anna's words began to set in. It hurt her to see him in that much pain over Katherine and know that she couldn't fix it. The Damon in front of her wasn't one that had built any kind of solid relationship with her. They had a trust hanging on by a thread and some small semblance of a bond, but it didn't mean anything right now. She didn't have the ability she had even six months after the tomb was open yet. Her comfort and love at this moment would mean nothing to him.

She was nothing to him.

* * *

She pounded on Bonnie's grandmother's front door and nervously shifted from one foot to the other as she waited for Bonnie to open the door. It took longer than Elena would have liked, and she was about to pound on the door again when Sheila, opened it.

If history was still the same, Sheila would die tonight, and she needed to be with Bonnie when it happened. However, Sheila looked completely fine, like she was barely tired. "Mrs. Bennett," she smiled, truly happy to see Bonnie's Grandmother. All of her focus had been on Damon in the tomb and she'd forgotten about almost everyone else in the process, but now that she was in front of Mrs. Bennett and not trying to save Damon from the tomb, she could truly feel the joy at seeing the elder woman, even if it was only supposed to be for a few more minutes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine," Sheila smiled warmly.

"You're not tired or feeling sick?"

"Not at all. I feel like normal."

"But," Elena shook her head, confused at what was happening. Years ago Bonnie had told her that her grandmother had been exhausted and barely able to walk after the spell that night. This looked nothing like a woman who was about to die.

"Elena, what's wrong, darling?" Sheila questioned, reaching out to grab Elena's hand and pull her inside the house. However, the moment she touched Elena's hand she ripped it away, her eyes wide. "Oh my ..."

"How are you okay?" Elena asked, unable to focus on the reaction Sheila just had. She had carried so much guilt around with her over Sheila's death, but seeing her here, alive and well with seemingly no issues at all, confused her and made her happy all at the same time.

Sheila eyed her suspiciously and stepped out of the doorway to motion Elena inside. "I think you better come in here." Wordlessly, Elena stepped into the house and walked over to the couch. "Bonnie, you need to come out here, and bring my grimoire with you."

Elena looked up in time to see Bonnie come into the living room, the large book clutched to her chest. "Bonnie," she whispered, finally truly realizing that she was really seeing her best friend alive again. She jumped up from the couch and wrapped her arms around the petite witch. She squeezed her as tight as her human strength would allow, holding her close and inhaling the scent that had always been Bonnie Bennett. "I missed you."

"Elena," Bonnie croaked, "You saw me two hours ago."

Reluctantly, Elena pulled back, shaking her head. "I know, but still."

"Bonnie, give me my grimoire," Sheila interrupted Bonnie's curious stares at Elena. Confused, Bonnie handed it to her grandmother, who motioned them both to the couch. After they were seated, and the large brown book was carefully placed on Sheila's lap, she looked over the coffee table at Elena. "I think you have a few things you probably want to explain. Am I correct?"

"We don't need to talk about me. You should rest tonight. It was a big spell you performed."

"Elena, honey, I'm fine. Right now, I want to know why you're here and how you got here."

She could feel the blood drain from her face at Sheila's words. "What did you see?" When Sheila had pulled her inside, she must have seen something.

"I saw you with that Salvatore brother, the older one. He gave you his ring."

Elena's eyes filled with tears at the mention of Damon and the hell that her life had been for the past two days. She looked down at her lap and nodded her head. "He gave me his ring so I wouldn't die, but it meant he did," she whispered. "Or he does. What you saw is from over 80 years in the future, where I'm a vampire and married to him."

"You married Damon?" Bonnie shrieked. "You don't even like him. You're in love with Stefan." Elena slowly lifted her head to look into Bonnie's wide eyes that were frantically bouncing from her to her grandmother. "What is going on?" Silent, Elena held out her arm for Bonnie to take. Her friend eyed it nervously before reaching forward and grabbing her hand. It took a few moments, but soon Bonnie's eyes widened and she tried to rip her hand away. "Oh my god," she gasped.

"Elena, do you want to tell me what happened?" Sheila questioned softly.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know. I just want to fix this."

"What do you want to fix?"

"Two days ago – well, two days ago for me – Damon and I were kidnapped by a vampire named Jameson. He wanted revenge for something that Damon and Stefan had done. So he chained us up in a room with only one daylight ring and a window." Elena couldn't hold back the sob that bubbled up in her throat or the tears that fell from her eyes. With the memories replaying in her mind, she dropped her head into her hands. "He died so I could live, and I couldn't accept it. I can't."

She wouldn't.

"Elena." Bonnie had moved across the couch and was now rubbing soft circles on Elena's back when she tried to get her attention. "He's not dead here. It's okay."

"He doesn't remember me," Elena cried. Wiping at her eyes, she sat up again. "You saw him in the tomb, Bonnie. He doesn't give a damn about me. Not only that, but he's still in love with Katherine. God," she groaned, "This wasn't supposed to happen like this. I just wanted to go back a few days or a few weeks. I didn't mean to end up back here."

"I'm assuming a witch was involved in this, right?" Sheila asked.

"She owed me a favor, so I cashed in on it. She told me she couldn't control where I went, but that rumor had it that the person would end up in the time of their biggest regret."

"Did she say anything else?"

"She said that the spell went against nature, so I couldn't play God while I was here. She'd never done the spell or had actually met anyone who had been a part of it. She was flying blind and I was desperate." Maybe if she'd asked a few more questions she might have an idea of what she'd gotten herself into.

"Okay, I need you to come here." Sheila moved over on the couch across from Elena to make room for her. She jumped to her feet and nervously walked to the other couch, unsure of what Sheila needed her for. "I just need your hand. I'm going to try and see if I can find out what the spell was or even what she used."

"Sounds simple enough." After having people mostly out for her blood when she was a human and a vampire, offering her hand was certainly easy.

No one talked while Bonnie's grandmother held her hand and focused on whatever it was she was seeing. The witch's face was somber at what she was learning, but her face never gave away what it all meant and how bad or good it was. After several silent, tense moments, Sheila released Elena's hand and sighed. "You're playing with fire, you know that, right?" she finally asked.

"How so?" Elena knew the spell was dark and most witches would never think to even attempt it, but the spell was complete. There was nothing to do about that now. It was done.

"You being here, even if it's just your mind in your seventeen-year-old body, is already changing fate. Your very existence is altering time."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you're fighting nature, and when that happens, sometimes nature decides to fight back. I know it will be tempting to try and change things now, you'll feel as if you have a second chance, but it doesn't work that way."

"I know," Elena practically snapped, feeling her nerves fraying. Would it be so horrible to hear some actual good news after all the shit she'd endured the past few days? She didn't want to hear that the spell was wrong and that she shouldn't be here. She just wanted to know if she could fix things. "Can't you do something to send me closer to the time I came from? Stefan is here, and he's the main ingredient to the spell."

Sheila's face fell in sadness and she reached out to gently squeeze Elena's hand. "I can't do that, Elena. The reason you're here this far back is because you're dead."

"I'm what?" she yelled, jumping up from the couch. The details felt fuzzy about the spell now, but she couldn't be dead. What kind of sick joke would that be?

"The reason the spell is so rare is because only vampires can complete it and survive it. One vampire is needed as the anchor; that was Stefan. He was the anchor that connected you to Damon's life force. The other vampire is needed because the person can only be sent back to a previous life, not a random point in time. To be sent back, you had to die in that future time, and it sends something like a reverse ripple effect through your past until you get to that. Humans have no previous lives, but vampires do. In essence, you made yourself human again."

* * *

Damon stared into the dancing flames in the fireplace, lost and confused. Everything he'd believed for 145 years was now a lie. Everything he'd fought for was never even his to win. It had all been useless, and now he had nothing. He'd built his entire existence around getting Katherine out of a tomb she was never even in. All of his plans involved her and what they would do once he saved her from the tomb. What did he do now?

Stefan had been staring at him for the last twenty minutes, probably waiting for him to snap and go on a murderous rampage through the town. It did hold a slight appeal to him, but not enough. That would take too much energy – energy he didn't have to give anymore right now. His entire world had shattered to pieces around him, and for once, he didn't know where to go from there. For 145 years, Katherine was always the endpoint. Now, that was gone.

Everything was gone.

Somewhere in his haze, he heard the front door open and close, followed by tentative and quiet footsteps. He was aware of his brother getting up and the hushed whispers behind him, but he didn't turn to see what any of it was about, nor did he even try to hear what was being said. Unless the unwanted guest could give him answers as to how this had become his life, he wasn't interested.

So when the couch dipped next to him as Elena sat down, he didn't even bother with one of his witty one liners or sarcastic laden comments. If she wanted to do her best imitation of Stefan staring at him all night, so be it, who was he to stop her?

"Damon," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted her to be there."

For the first time in hours, he moved his gaze from the burning flames. His eyes met hers, and as he took in the face he'd spent 145 years loving, searching for, and fighting for, it all became too much. Logically, he knew Elena wasn't her, but they shared the same face. He couldn't look at her and not see Katherine, not tonight. He couldn't deal with it all, not in the way others probably wanted him to.

Stefan and Elena probably wanted him to sit there and talk through all his emotions, shed a few tears, and then hug it out, but that wasn't him. He wasn't exactly going to go on a murdering spree that night, but he wasn't going to sit around with the happy couple any longer either. The private stash of alcohol in his room would have to do until he finally passed out from it all. He needed to be alone.

Silently, he stood from the couch, ignoring the pained look of rejection on Elena's face. If it were any other day, he might try to figure out what was with the sudden shift in her. She'd been weird ever since she begged him to leave the tomb, holding his hand, hugging him, telling him she was sorry. Stefan practically had to force her to not come home with them. It was weird and out of character, but he didn't have the mental ability to even begin to try and figure that one out. Elena was Stefan's mystery to unravel.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked him, once he'd begun to head toward the stairs.

"To take off my ring and wait on the roof until the sun comes up," he threatened, though it was a false one. No matter how much it all sucked right now, Damon Salvatore would never be suicidal over a woman.

Elena gasped loudly from the living room and both brothers turned to see her shocked face and tear-filled eyes. "Sorry," she whimpered before quickly running toward the kitchen.

"She's just trying to be nice, Damon," his brother admonished him once Elena had fled the room. "She cares. We both do."

"Stefan," he sighed, "I just found out I have spent 145 years trying to save someone who never needed to be saved. Whatever it is you want to do right now, I can't do it."

He didn't wait for what his brother would say next before he turned and began climbing the stairs.

* * *

Elena crept slowly into Damon's bedroom, being careful to make as little noise as possible. It was easy to see that he was passed out in a drunken stupor. She'd had enough years with him to know what a sleeping Damon looked like, and he was certainly down for the count. It was a painful sight to see, but she was also happy for this moment alone with him.

She gently removed the empty liquor bottles from his bed and set them on the nightstand so she could pull his crumpled covers over his body. His shirt had long ago been lost, she assumed, and she couldn't resist the urge to splay her fingers out over his bare chest. Her heart clenched painfully as she felt his beating steadily beneath her touch. It was real, she was really seventeen again and a human, and he was here.

He was physically in front of her, where she could reach out and touch him, but he wasn't hers. Not yet, at least. Elise had warned her to not play God, but she couldn't sit back and wait for things to play out as they had before. She couldn't just spend time around him and not be with him. He may not know it yet, but he was her husband, and she would get him back. She didn't know where to even begin though.

She knew Stefan was confused by her behavior, but she had the future version of Stefan's words stuck in her head about how she'd need to tell him, and she didn't known how just yet. And then there was Bonnie and Sheila. Somehow Bonnie's grandmother was still alive. She didn't know if she got Damon out of the tomb sooner and if that had saved Sheila, or if something else was going on, but she was happy for it. At least she had been until Sheila had told her that she'd done what was believed to be impossible and made herself human again.

No wonder Elise had been so cryptically silent about the whole damn spell. She knew she had to kill Elena. Of course, that had to be the catch to it all. That was just her life now, wasn't it?

It was like a cruel joke at her expense. Yeah, she got to be around Damon again, but she didn't get to have him. No, she could only look at him, because he wasn't _hers_. He was still in his king of the asshole vampire phase, and probably wouldn't hesitate to snap her neck if she pissed him off enough. She was stuck at square one. She had to recreate their entire history over from scratch, basically. She had to go through the deaths and the heartbreaks, the betrayals and the pain. She had to go through every single moment of it again to give herself another shot at their eternity.

She couldn't blame anyone but herself. She'd begged and pleaded for Elise to do it until the witch finally gave in. She'd gotten herself into this whole thing, but as she stared down at Damon's sleeping form, she knew it was all worth it. Being a human again was going to suck. She didn't know how to do it anymore. She was a fish out of water, but it meant she got Damon again and that she could make sure he really did have as long as he wanted on this earth. Damon was the priority. She'd come to save him, and she'd do that if it was the last thing she ever did.

"I love you," she whispered into the silent room. "I know I didn't think this whole thing through like I should have, but I'll make it better. Right now, though, it just hurts, Damon. It hurts so much. I'd give anything for you to open your eyes and look at me like you really know me. I wish you would touch me and hold me like I'm your reason for breathing. I miss you more than I think you could ever know." She bent down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, reveling in the feeling of it all for a few short moments before forcing herself to pull away and gently brush his hair back. "I'll fix this, I promise."

"Elena?" She jumped up from the bed, startled by the sound of her name and whipped around to see Stefan in the doorway, confusion and pain on his face. "What are you doing?"

"Stefan," she started, slowly walking toward him, "I know how this must look."

"It looks like you just told my brother you love him."

Elena looked back at Damon's still sleeping form on the bed, and then back at Stefan. She'd wanted a few days to figure out how to tell him what was going on, but she'd just blown her shot at that. He had to know the truth, and he had to know it now.

"We need to talk."

"Just tell me what you're doing. What is this?" He motioned to Damon on the bed and back to her. "Why are you kissing him and telling him that you love him?"

"Would you be quiet?" she hissed, pressing two firm hands on his chest and pushing him out of the room. "Damon can't know about this."

"Know about what?"

"We'll talk downstairs," she promised him. "Just trust me."

Reluctantly, he turned and walked down the stairs. God, why had Stefan insisted that she tell his past self about what was going on? They had been delusional to think that a Stefan who was in love with her would ever be okay with what she was about to reveal. Not that she even knew how to tell him. How did one tell their boyfriend they were in love with the boyfriend's brother? Especially when the boyfriend was a fragile Stefan Salvatore.

"Want to tell me what that was all about now?" Stefan demanded as she ushered him downstairs. "Why were you telling Damon that you love him?"

"Because I do." She decided the best route to go was to jump straight in. There would be no easy way to tell Stefan that she wasn't in love with him anymore and hadn't been for decades. Then, not only was she not in love with him, but she was in love with his brother and married to him. Oh yeah, and she'd gotten him killed along the way too. Yeah, none of that was going to go down well.

"You can barely stand him."

"At seventeen I could barely stand him," she agreed. "I'm not really seventeen though, Stefan. Not in my mind at least."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I'm eighteen, Matt's truck goes through the rails on Wickery Bridge and I die in that water with vampire blood in my system. For 80 years I've lived as a vampire, and most of that time I've been a vampire married to your brother. That was my life until two days ago, because two days ago, Damon died."

She could see the denial immediately fall over Stefan's face, and she knew that she would be in for a fight. "I sound crazy, I know, but I'm telling the truth. I watched him die, Stefan. He burned to ash right in front of me. So I went to Elise, a witch, and forced her to perform a spell that would send me back. For that spell, we needed you, and the you from that time told me that I had to tell the you from this time, because you're the only other person that would work as hard as I would to save Damon."

"Are you sick? What's going on with you, right now?"

"When you were five, you fell off your horse on the plantation and broke your leg. Damon carried you all the way back to the house, and held your hand as they set your leg."

Stefan's eyes widened at the story. "I've never told you that."

"Not yet, but you will. You also tell me that you forced Damon to turn because you couldn't live without him. Eight decades from now you still feel that way, and that's why I'm here. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't laid on that table and let Elise cut your chest open down to your heart and fill it with vervain. You wanted this for me in that time, and you're going to want it now, because I will save your brother."

"This is insane. This can't be real."

"It is real," she told him insistently. "Your brother is dead. Do you get what I am telling you? _He is dead_. And I know things are really bad for the two of you right now, but I also know that you love him more than anything or anyone, even me."

"That's not true," he tried to deny, but she knew it was a lie. He still wanted to believe his relationship with Damon was irreparable. He was scared to trust Damon again, but she knew that fear wouldn't ever stop him from putting Damon's safety above everything else.

"Yes it is, and we both know it. Cause when it comes to letting me die or letting Damon die, you make the same choice every time, Stefan. You want to know why I die in that water that night? Because I told you to save Matt, and by the time you came back for me, I was dead. Want to know what you do when Damon is dying and tells you to let him die? You hand yourself over to the most powerful vampire in the world so Damon can live. Those are the choices you make. So let's cut the bullshit about your great love for me, and get down to what matters: Damon. You will help me save him."

"This isn't happening." Stefan began pacing in front of the fireplace. "This cannot be happening. Things like this don't happen. None of it makes sense."

"I don't need it to make sense to you. I just need you to help me."

"I just heard you tell my brother you love him and you want me to help you?" he demanded. "I don't even know if I believe any of this. You can't stand Damon, and I'm supposed to believe you love him? He was just shoving his blood down your throat not so long ago."

"I get that it's out of left field, and that it sounds crazy, but it's true. I know he's done some horrible things, but I also know the man that's underneath all of that, and you do too. We know the same man, Stefan. It just takes us a long time to see him for what he is. Once I see it, I fall in love with him."

"You love me!"

"No, I don't!" she screamed, finally at her breaking point. She didn't have time to fight with Stefan about who she loved, because it wasn't going to change. She didn't care that she was changing his world, as he knew it. She just cared about saving Damon, and she needed Stefan to get his head out of his ass long enough to care about it too. When she saw the stricken look on his face though, she immediately regretted the outburst.

Everything in her head felt like a jumbled mess. To her, she was almost one hundred years old, and she was a different girl than the Stefan in front of her knew. She had changed over the years, grown up, let go of so much past hurt. She'd also found her soul mate, the man she planned to spend eternity with, until he'd been cruelly ripped away from her. Fact of it was, she wasn't the teenage girl he fell in love with. She didn't need him to be her calm in the storm anymore, and she couldn't pretend otherwise.

Stefan stopped briefly and turned bewildered eyes on her. "Who are you? This doesn't even sound like you."

"I'm sorry," she quietly apologized. "I'm ruining this all right now, and I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be cruel. Everything is just really messed up. My entire life just fell apart, Stefan. I watched Damon die right in front of me, and I was powerless to save him. I had vervain poured over my heart for this stupid spell that wasn't supposed to send me back this far, and now I'm a human again, with no idea how to cope. I don't know how to be this anymore. This hasn't been my life in decades. I'm lost and overwhelmed, but most of all, I miss my husband. Because he is that to me, Stefan. He's my whole world."

"How?" Stefan choked out. "How are you in love with him? All he cares about is himself."

"You don't believe that, not really. He's saved your life more times than you can count, and you know it. He's just lost right now. He thought he had everything figured out. He'd waited for 145 years to get Katherine out of the tomb, and then finally live the life he'd wanted when he was a human. Now he knows she's not there, and he feels like everything has been a lie. He's broken and confused, and out of that he's going to grow into something I don't think we ever really believed he could. He's going to be on our team and fight for us. He's going to put himself in the line of danger so we don't have to. He figures out how to be the good guy again, Stefan, and we're a big reason why."

She could see the fight slowly draining from Stefan, and the devastation was starting to get its hold on him as her words sunk in, but she knew he still wasn't truly convinced yet.

"I want to believe you, Elena, but this all feels too far out there. I can't reconcile the Damon I know with what you're telling me. I can't reconcile the you I love with this version of you that's in front of me."

"Deep down you know it's true. And I think you're going to believe me because you _want_ it to be true."

Stefan sat down on the couch and rested his arms on his legs. "He's really dead?"

She slowly sat down beside him and sadly shook her head. "Yeah, he is."

"What happened?"

"If I tell you this, you have to promise me that you won't go off the rails and do anything stupid."

"How am I involved?" he asked, and she couldn't help the small smile that came to her lips. The Stefan she'd come to love as a brother-in-law over the years was still in there.

"Do you remember when Damon killed that vampire in Seattle back in the 80s?" When Stefan nodded, she continued. "Her husband, Jameson, chained us up in a room with only one daylight ring. There was no place to hide from the sun, so when it came up, it was a choice between him and me. He chose to kill himself, and I didn't have time to save him." She had to look away from his penetrating gaze, feeling the guilt overwhelming her once again. "I'm sorry. It's my fault he's dead."

"What do you need my help with?" His voice was soft and strained with emotion.

"I'm going to find Jameson and I'm going to kill him. Obviously since I'm not a vampire anymore, that makes my task a little more difficult."

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll help you."

"Thank you, Stefan." She quickly wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly to her. "I know this is all crazy, so thank you." The hug quickly grew uncomfortable and too much for Elena as Stefan buried his face in her neck, and she could feel his lips against her skin. She wanted to be understanding. He was in love with her after all, but she didn't want to let him believe he had a chance when she knew it simply wasn't true. "Stefan," she said softly, "you can't do this."

He reluctantly pulled away and she felt horrible for how dejected and worn down he looked. She was telling him that everything he knew about his life right now wasn't true anymore. She knew just how much that sucked, and it was exactly why she hadn't wanted to bring him in on this whole thing, but what choice did she have now? He knew, and there was no going back.

"What does this mean for us?" he finally asked her.

"It means that we're going to be really great friends. I know it's hard to believe, but you get over me, and we form a good friendship. You fall in love yourself, one day, with a girl who isn't a doppelgänger or in love with your brother, and it's great. You'll see. I'm just a phase for you; one you're glad to be rid of in time. For now, we're just going to tell people that we're taking a break, and soon enough everyone will forget about us being together. Turns out we're not as epic as I liked to tell myself we were."

"I think I'm going to go to bed, okay?"

As she watched him get up and walk toward the stairs, she couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu. Their final breakup had been just as much about Damon as it was this time. Only difference was Damon didn't love her in this time. He didn't even care about her. And Stefan was still woefully unstable, hanging on by the thread that had truly snapped the moment he ran off with Klaus. She couldn't afford that to happen right now. She needed him to be strong and focused on their task, not out ripping people to pieces limb from limb. If he went off the deep end because of this, Damon would not be happy with her. It just wouldn't lead anyplace good.

"Stefan," she called out to him when he was at the bottom of the stairs, and he turned tired eyes on her, "I know you're going to be upset about all of this, but please don't do anything rash, okay?"


	3. Enter the Circus

**Chapter 3**

**So sit back, relax, fasten your seat belts  
It's going to be a bumpy ride to the other side**

Stefan pounded roughly on Sheila Bennett's door

"Show me!" he demanded the moment the older witch opened the door. "Show me how he died."

Uncertainty and a brief flash of nervousness spread over Sheila's face, but she quickly recovered, standing tall and meeting his gaze unwaveringly. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, so you don't know anything about Elena claiming she's been sent back in time into the body of her seventeen-year-old self to save my brother who she's watched die?" Sheila stiffened and he knew he'd get the answers he came for. She wasn't going to deny it all, he could see it in her face. "We've formed some weird truce, Sheila. Tell me what's going on."

"Stefan," she said his name quietly, guilt heavy in her voice, "I'm not going to be able to give you what you want. You know that, right?"

"I want for you to tell me that none of this isn't true. I want you to tell me that Elena has just lost her mind. I want you to tell me that my brother doesn't die." Sheila's gaze fell away from him, confirming everything Elena told him the night before. Damon was really dead in the future. He was currently walking around in some future time without his brother in the world. It all felt surreal and hurt far more than he thought it could.

They'd spent the better part of a century and a half at odds with each other, and he'd thought he'd become numb to just about every emotion that he had in relation to his brother. Being faced with the reality of a world where Damon didn't exist, had him realizing with astounding clarity how wrong he had been, though. In this moment, none of the bad stuff mattered. Katherine didn't matter. The murders they'd committed didn't matter. The retaliations and spiteful behavior meant nothing. At the end of it all, Damon was his brother, and he'd still do anything for him.

This knowledge changed everything. It completely altered his view of his relationships. Even Elena didn't seem like such a big deal anymore. What did it matter if he had her, if someone was out there planning to kill his brother? No woman had ever meant more to him than Damon's life. He did force the guy to turn after all, just because he wanted his brother with him.

"What do you want to know?"

"Show me what happened. Show me how he died."

"Stefan, I can't do that."

"You don't want to," he countered. He'd been around witches for long enough to know what they were and weren't capable of, and Sheila was capable of this. "I have a right to know how he died." He wasn't ashamed of the desperation that was rolling off of him in waves as he held his hand out for the witch. "Please, he's my _brother_."

It was easy to see how conflicted Sheila felt about what she was about to do, but after several tense moments, she finally grabbed hold of his hand. Everything was normal at first, and then suddenly, his mind was invaded by the image of Damon and Elena in front of him. He could see it all as if he were right there, Damon and Elena fighting over who would die, Damon shoving his ring onto Elena's finger and pushing her away from him. Then his brother burning to ash.

He jerked away from Sheila, as if he'd felt the burning sun himself, and tried to contain the pained groan rising in the back of his throat. He'd thought seeing his brother die one time had been horrible, but somehow this all felt worse. He hadn't been there to try and help him. His brother had died without him.

His brother was dead.

"Stefan?" Sheila called out softly.

"Thanks," he grunted out before turning on his heel and rushing off of Sheila's porch. He'd seen what he needed to see, and it told him everything he needed to know. Damon was dead because of Elena.

Jameson hunted them down and locked them in that room because Damon was in love with Elena, and she'd let herself be used as his weakness. He was dead because of her, and now she was back, determined to make him fall in love with her all over again. If he had anything to say about it, that wouldn't happen. Loving Elena had gotten his brother killed.

Though they had their problems – boy, did they have their problems – they always seemed to be there to help with what the other brother lacked. For Stefan, he'd always had trouble with control, and Damon, in his own ways had tried to help. Damon had saved his life more times than he could count when he had been in danger because of mistakes he'd made while on months long blood binges. And he'd tried to help with Damon's weakness of women. Many thought he didn't care enough, Stefan could even admit he'd told himself that many times and had himself convinced of it as well, but it wasn't really true. Damon's problem was that he loved too much.

Loving Katherine had gotten them both killed. Damon hadn't been able to let Katherine be taken, so he convinced Stefan that they could save her. He went along with it because he knew Damon would try with or without him, and he thought it would be safer for Damon if he had help. In the end, it hadn't saved them at all, and their own father had shot them both to death. In the future, as it would turn out, he'd become a victim of yet another Petrova woman. Damon would die because his love for Elena couldn't allow him to let her die instead of him.

In an instant, Stefan's entire world had changed. Nothing felt the same as it had five minutes ago. He wouldn't sit around and watch his brother die for the third time because of a woman.

* * *

Damon allowed himself to get lost in the music and feel of the women just beneath his touch. Their skin was soft and they were eager to let him tap any vein of his choosing. Of course, that willingness may have come with a bit of encouragement from him, but what was the point of being a vampire if you didn't enjoy the perks? And what was the point of being able to have the ability to turn your emotions off long enough to make them not be so brutally painful if you didn't actually use it?

What was he supposed to do, sit in front of the fire with a broody face to match Stefan's? Thanks, but no thanks.

He'd indulged in his pain for one night, drinking himself into a drunken oblivion. That was his limit on feelings for the next hundred years or so. Obviously they'd gotten him absolutely nowhere in the long time he'd been on this planet. The one person he'd actually allowed himself to believe loved him turned out to be nothing but a liar. He wouldn't be making that mistake again. No, he'd simply take full advantage of the effect he had on those of the female persuasion, bedding every woman from here to Australia, until Katherine was barely a name in his memory.

Alcohol was a nice aide for a broken heart, but it needed some assistance, particularly sex. Not the sweet, slow kind either. He was after something a little different, something rough and fast with the slightest hint of pain. He wanted to be fucked. And oh was he getting that in spades today. Stefan had been off doing God knows what; probably making out with Elena and talking about their epic love, leaving him free to have his orgy throughout the house.

"Who's ready for round three?" he sang out, spinning around in a stumbling circle, whiskey sloshing out of the bottle in his hand.

The red head sauntered in front of him smirking at him from behind a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face. "I think you mean round four."

He wrapped a hand around her wrist and tugged her to him. "Who can keep count when you have a body like that?" She giggled as he kissed his way down her neck, allowing his fangs to emerge at the thought of more sweet, smooth blood. He gently licked the spot he picked, getting it nice and ready before he sank his fangs into it and the warm liquid spilled into his mouth.

Damon flinched when the lights in the room flashed on and the music went silent. He glanced up with squinted eyes and groaned when he saw Elena in the doorway. "Ugh, lover boy isn't here."

Elena glanced around the room and he watched in confusion as pain filled her gaze. When she settled her eyes back on him, she cleared her throat and said, "I'm not here for Stefan."

"In that case, I'm not taking visitors, except if they're offering up a vein or sexual favors. So, unless you have those to offer, please turn and make a swift exit."

Elena ignored his directions and sauntered into the room. "Nice try, but I'm not going anywhere. This place is disgusting." She picked up a trashcan from next to the bar and began dropping empty bottles of liquor into it. He watched in slight amusement and horror as she wandered through the room, picking up the trash while touching it as little as possible. "I don't know how this isn't driving you crazy," she mumbled from the other side of the room, "You freak out when I leave my clothes on the floor for five minutes."

He was in front of her in a blink, and she screamed in surprise when she looked up to find his face inches from hers. "What was that?" he demanded.

She stumbled back on her feet a few steps until she regained her balance. Once she was sturdy on her feet, her hand shot out and shoved him in the chest. "Jesus, Damon, you scared me."

He took a menacing step toward her, bending his head down to her level. "What did you just say?"

"I was just talking to myself, calm down."

She turned to walk away, but he wrapped his hand around her arm and turned her to face him again. "What were you saying about me?" He focused his eyes intently on hers and exerted his will to compel the information out of her, but when she rolled her eyes and scoffed he cursed his drunken stupidity. "You and that damned vervain necklace," he grumbled, staring down at the offensive piece of jewelry hanging from her dainty neck. "I should rip it right off of you."

Instead of backing down from him in fear or exploding with anger, she took a challenging step toward him, her chin set defiantly as she stared him down. "Do it."

"Don't tempt me," he taunted, dangling his fingers over the pendant.

"Come on, do it. Take my necklace off and compel me. You'll only find out you're too drunk on blood and whiskey to even hear me correctly. Do it."

He was tempted to follow through on her challenge just to see how she'd actually respond. Would she let him compel her like she'd offered to him after the fiasco with the grimoire or would she flee in rage if he did it? Oh, it was such a delectable offer, but before he could ponder it for long, Stefan appeared in the doorway, watching them with a disapproving gaze and his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Well, looks like the party is officially over now. Welcome home, buzzkill Bob."

Damon watched as Stefan slowly came into the room, taking in the group of sorority girls lounging half naked on the couch, and Elena standing closer to him than could be considered platonic. "Want to fill me in on what's going on in here?"

Damon backed away from Elena and motioned with a grandiose gesture throughout the room. "I was enjoying the company provided by my new friends over there when your annoying girlfriend showed up and started buzzing around, trying to clean the place up."

Stefan sighed and looked at Elena, wisely choosing not to antagonize Damon. "Elena, can we talk?"

"Uh oh," Damon mock-gasped. He could feel the tension between the normally sickeningly sweet couple. "The honeymoon over already? That didn't last long."

"Shut up," Stefan snapped.

"Touchy, touchy."

"Elena," Stefan said pointedly.

"Okay, okay," she sighed and went to follow Stefan. Just before she stepped out of the room, she turned to look at Damon. He felt uncomfortable under the heavy gaze that seemed to convey something he couldn't understand. He didn't have long to try though because Stefan roughly pulled her into the entryway after only a few moments.

Those two were one odd couple.

"You shouldn't be here," he could hear Stefan tell Elena. "He's unstable right now."

"Then why haven't _you_ been here?" Elena snapped. "You told me you'd keep an eye on him, Stefan. He needs you right now."

Okay, that was it. Something was officially going on now. First Elena had been holding his hand and hugging him, telling him how sorry she was last night. Now she was showing up unannounced to clean his house, only to follow it up with scolding Stefan for not being home. There was definite tension between the couple, and somehow, he was in the center of it. Well, it sounded like it anyway. And, for once, it wasn't because of any particular dickish move on his part.

The tension between his brother and Elena was out of nowhere, but it seemed to be about something big, at least it was big to them. He hadn't quite figured out whether it was big to him or not … yet.

"I had a few things I had to do," Stefan continued.

"And they were more important than your brother?" she demanded. "He's in there having a blood orgy with his merry band of sorority skanks, Stefan. He needs you."

"Trust me," he heard Stefan scoff, "My brother has never needed me for anything." Now that was just a lie, Damon thought. He needed plenty from his brother – mainly for him to stop being such a judgmental prick all the time, but it was a need.

"That's not true and you know it," she hissed.

"I've been a little busy finding out about your birth mother and how she was married to Alaric."

Elena gasped in the other room. "I totally forgot about that." She then let out a frustrated groan that left Damon smirking. When did she get so much spunk? The only time he'd ever seen this version of her was in Atlanta, and she had been slightly intoxicated at the time. "God, my teenage years were such a disaster."

"You know?" Stefan questioned her.

"Well, _duh_. I did kind of, you know …" Elena's voice trailed off at the end and she didn't follow it up with anything.

God, what was he doing listening in on their stupid fight? He didn't understand teenagers nowadays or any of their silly drama. It felt interesting a few moments ago, but now it just felt annoying. He couldn't even figure out what they were really fighting about. Sure, his name was being thrown around a lot, but that's what was confusing about teenagers, right? They didn't fight about what they were actually mad about? Oh hell, he didn't know.

"Right, well, I need to talk to Damon about a few things. I think it would be best if you left," he heard his brother say.

"This is about me. Why should I leave?"

"Because it's not about you, not really. Not everything is about you."

Damon inhaled a sharp breath at the bomb Stefan just set off in his relationship with Elena. Who the hell was that guy and what had happened to his brother? Just yesterday Stefan was begging him to save Elena. Now he didn't care about her? He had to have been passed out for more than a night. Maybe he'd been out of it for a few months or something. Because what was happening in that foyer was not normal. It was as far from normal as anything could get.

There were loud, angry footsteps that raced up the stairs, followed by Stefan's. He was tempted to follow them both up to finish listening in, but he was truthfully bored. He didn't have time to figure out what was going on with those two. He'd just wait and read Stefan's diary later, and drown himself in enough whiskey to knock a bear out to try and block the moping and weeping of his brother from his brain.

* * *

Elena stormed into Stefan's room, and he quickly came in after her, slamming the door once he was inside.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded. "Why are you acting like this? Everything was fine last night."

"You told me my brother was dead, Elena. Everything wasn't fine!" He worked hard to keep his voice as quiet as possible even though she could see his rage boiling under the surface.

"What's changed from then, though? You told me you would help me. How is shutting me out going to do that?"

Stefan shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe I realized I don't really need your help. You've told me all I need to know. Damon is dead and Jameson killed him. How are you supposed to help me with any of that? You're just a human. You can't do anything."

Elena watched his behavior carefully, grateful for the fact that she knew him far better than he knew her. She had decades of knowledge on him, which made it that much easier to sift through his bullshit and get down to what was really going on. Only problem was, she'd tapped into that knowledge too late. "What happened between last night and right now? Who did you see?"

"What makes you think I saw anyone?"

How had she not seen it last night? He'd been bluffing the whole time. He hadn't believed a damn word she'd said, but he believed it now. She just didn't understand why. What had changed that? "You're scared," she pointed out. "I should have realized last night you were just lying to me to appease me, but you now know I was telling the truth, and you're scared. You know I wasn't lying and I want to know how. Who did you go see?"

"I went to Sheila. If you were telling the truth, that meant you would have run to Sheila the second you got here. Lucky for me, she trusts me. We have somewhat of a bond, you know? Don't worry, she didn't betray much of your trust, but she told me you were telling the truth. She told me he will really die."

Elena swallowed thickly and averted her eyes at the flash of pain in Stefan's gaze. It was the same look she'd seen when she showed up at his door more than eighty years in the future and told him his brother was dead. "She showed you, didn't she?"

"Powerful little witch, isn't she?"

"That's why you're acting like this right now, isn't it? You're mad at me."

Stefan slowly moved in front of her, leaning down slightly so he could fully look into her eyes. "Did you really think I wouldn't be? My brother is dead because of you."

"He chose it, Stefan," she said quietly, fighting the emotion in her voice. "I didn't want it. That's why I'm here, because I can't live with that. I'm going to fix it."

"And just how are you going to do that? You're the one that has to be protected by me. How are you supposed to take down a vampire strong enough to kill Damon?"

"I'll figure it out."

He might know she wasn't lying now, but he obviously still thought she was just a teenager. She might be a human again, but she still had all the knowledge and lessons she'd learned through the years. That would count for something. She wasn't as naïve as she had been then. She wouldn't make the same mistakes this time. She'd be better.

"No offense, but you did get him killed, Elena. So, I don't think you're really a fountain of knowledge on how to protect _my _brother."

"He's _my_ husband," she countered.

"Then why is he down there sleeping with any girl with two open legs? He may be your husband in your mind, but in his, you're just a girl who happens to look like the girl he spent 145 years pining over. The only reason he'd sleep with you is to piss me off, or to pretend you were Katherine. He doesn't give a damn about you."

He smirked at her, and she was tempted to slap it right off his face. He looked so much like Damon in that moment that no one could deny they were brothers. People might not be able to see it, but the resemblance was there. They were more alike than many would ever know. Mostly it was because Stefan spent so much of his time trying to hide his similarities to Damon. He immersed himself so deep in denial that she knew he even believed it at times. To everyone around him, he was the good one, the brother always betrayed. Damon was just selfish and took down anyone in his way – even some that weren't in his way. Opposed to Stefan, Damon was all about the personal gain in their eyes.

She knew differently though. It wasn't that Stefan was a bad guy, but at this point in time, he hadn't learned how to make peace with his demons yet. He was a ticking time bomb, one she should have known not to mess with. She had been stupid to think she wouldn't be playing with fire when she told him the truth. This was the guy that abandoned her in the blink of an eye to get a cure for Damon. He'd spent months running around the country, leaving a trail of dismembered bodies in his wake because of that. And sure, they'd all said he was doing it for her too. He was making sure Klaus didn't find out that she was still alive, but that hadn't been his driving force. He wouldn't have agreed to those terms if Damon's life hadn't been on the line.

In his mind, he was Damon's only protector. He was the only one that could really have Damon's back. Even though he knew she had married Damon, and had seen the evidence of it, he didn't have the memories she did. He didn't understand it all the way. Which meant she'd put herself directly on his list of threats to Damon. But it was his own damn fault too. The him from decades from now that was. Because she just _had_ to let his unstable self in on everything that was going on. Now she was the one that had to deal with the fallout.

"So that's how you're going to do this?" Elena asked coldly. "You think I won't fight you on it?" Even if she knew he was hanging onto his bunny eating diet by a thread, she wouldn't back down. He wasn't the only one who cared about Damon and wanted him safe. She was invested in it too, and he couldn't shut her out.

Stefan's voice was low and threatening when he spoke next. "You think I won't win? If you know me as well as you think you do, then you are well aware of how far I'll go to keep him alive. So you're going to leave him alone and let me handle it. Cause, obviously, I have the better track record here. He hasn't ended up dead because of me. You can't really say the same now, can you?"

* * *

"Ugh!" Elena groaned as she ran into her house, slamming the door with as much force as she could. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

Telling Stefan about Damon had been a total and complete disaster. What had she been thinking? Of course he'd do anything to save his brother, but now he saw her as a direct threat to that safety. So not only was she stuck in some time where Damon was still in love with Katherine and sleeping with anything that could move, but she was at odds with Stefan, and he had the advantage over her.

She knew more than enough about Damon and Stefan's relationship to know that even though things were horrible for them in this time, they'd still watch out for each other no matter what. She knew the desire was still there in both of them to be real brothers again. She'd done her job of awakening that in Stefan, but it had come at the cost of him wanting her away from Damon.

She was such an idiot!

"Elena?" Her head jerked up at the sound of Jenna's voice. Her aunt was coming down the stairs, sliding her arms into her jacket, a confused look on her face. "What happened?"

"Aunt Jenna!" she rushed forward and threw her arms around her aunt, nearly knocking her back onto the stairs, but she didn't care. With all of the drama that had gone on since the tomb, she hadn't had a chance to actually see Jenna. For the first time since that clearing in the woods, when Klaus killed her, Elena got to see her again and hug her.

She tried to hold in tears as Jenna's shocked arms came around her for a reassuring hug. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she choked out. She was more than okay. She was great. "I'm just happy to see you, that's all."

"I know we're busy, but you see me all the time."

The hell that had been the past few days of her life, briefly fell away. Yeah, Damon didn't even really know her or care about her, but there was still something good in this whole mess. She had been too overwhelmed to even see it last night, but she could see it now. Nearly everyone she'd lost and missed for longer than she could remember was back now. She had Jenna, Bonnie, Ric, Jeremy, a Caroline that hadn't been senselessly murdered, and so many other innocent people that had died because of her disastrous life back. They were alive and well here. She had a family again, one that extended beyond Damon.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she pulled away, "I'm just a little emotional today."

"So I can see," Jenna laughed and wiped the stray tears from Elena's face. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"What didn't happen?" she asked dramatically. She didn't even know where to start.

"Well, let's start with the important stuff." Jenna grabbed her hand and pulled her into the living room. "What's the drama with Stefan?"

"How did you know it was about Stefan?"

Jenna laughed as she sat down on the couch. "You're seventeen, it's a given that all of your drama is about your boyfriend. So, what happened? Did you two have a fight?"

"We broke up," Elena confessed, much to Jenna's surprise.

"What?"

Elena shrugged, trying to convey some sort of appropriate emotion for what should feel like a horrible breakup. She'd loved Stefan when she was seventeen. Everything had revolved around him in her childish mind. The real seventeen-year-old version of her would've been devastated. This one, though, the one who had decades of life experiences, felt none of that devastation about it. She felt anger toward him, but not because of the breakup.

"Things just weren't working out," she offered as explanation, but she knew it was a crappy one. If she was going to have to tell everyone she and Stefan broke up, she really needed to up her game, cause right now it sucked.

"You were fine the last time I saw you two. What happened? He didn't cheat on you, did he?"

"Stefan, cheat?" she laughed. "Not likely." The man had his flaws, but she knew he never would have cheated on her. He'd loved her too at one time. Well, he was still in love with her in this time, even if it was masked by a lot of anger toward her at the moment. "I don't really have a good reason, Aunt Jenna. We just realized it didn't work like we thought it did."

"Well, don't let it get you down, sweetie. Things might work out for you two in the end."

"Don't hold your breath," she mumbled. The only thing she wanted to work out with Stefan was his desire to keep Damon far away from her. They couldn't be at odds. She had to make him see that.

"Elena," Jenna began suspiciously, "Why do I feel like there's more to this than you're telling me?"

She quickly looked away, unable to bear the concerned gaze. How had it been so easy to lie to Jenna back then? As she sat next to her aunt now and felt the love and worry coming for her, it felt hard to not be honest. She'd kept so many secrets as a human, lying to so many people who cared about her. She had told herself it was the right thing to do; she was protecting them. Yet, despite all of her desire to protect her loved ones, most of them seemed to have died and got hurt anyway.

Jenna had definitely been a casualty of all of her lies. They'd all kept her aunt in the dark for so long, that by the time the truth got out, it was too late. Jenna hadn't had time to adjust and understand how everything was before Klaus turned her and then killed her. Ever since that night, Elena had always said that if she ever got another chance, she'd be honest with Jenna. She'd never make that same mistake again with anyone. Now she had her chance. Jenna was right in front of her, but the truth was stuck on her tongue.

It wasn't as 'simple' as vampires anymore. There was so much more to it all. She didn't know how to explain any of it, but this was the chance she'd always wanted. She'd always wanted to be able to fix this mistake, so why wasn't she jumping at the chance?

"Aunt Jenna," she started nervously, but the doorbell rang and the words she was trying to form died on her tongue.

"Oh shoot," Jenna looked down at her watch, then apologetically back at Elena. "That must be Alaric. He's supposed to pick me up for this bachelor auction tonight."

"Right, of course." How had she not realized that? Jenna was sitting there in a coat. She was obviously planning to go out, and here Elena was, talking her ear off about stupid high school stuff.

Jenna grabbed her hand tightly. "No, what were you going to say? Alaric can wait for a minute."

"It's nothing," Elena insisted. "Just petty drama stuff. We can talk later."

"Are you sure? I don't have to go tonight. We can stay in, order take out, _I_ can drink a few margaritas, and then we can bash men until we pass out from too much sugar."

"It's fine. You go have fun. I think I'm going to stay in and have a night to myself." She could see the hesitation on Jenna's face and she knew if she asked, Jenna would stay home in an instant, but she couldn't do that. She needed to try and keep things as normal as they had been originally. Jenna getting to know Alaric and falling in love with him was one of those things. "Go, Aunt Jenna. I'm fine."

Jenna reluctantly rose from the couch, looking torn over what she should do, but Elena would not let her aunt miss out on a fun night to hear about stupid drama with Stefan that she wouldn't even be able to fully explain. In time, she would tell Jenna about the vampires and all that other stuff, but tonight she could have some fun. No one had nearly enough of that in this god forsaken town.

"I won't be out late, I promise. Talk when I get back?"

"You've got it," Elena promised as Alaric rang the doorbell again. "Go win yourself a History teacher. I'll be fine here."

* * *

"Holy shit!" Elena shouted, and Damon smirked as he watched her jump nearly a foot in the air when she noticed him. Once she was on solid footing, she glared at him and demanded, "Why do you do that to me?" It was almost midnight, and she was trying to get ready for bed only to find Damon sitting comfortably in her room, lounging on her window seat. The past two days of being back as her teenage self had been a crash course in things she'd forgotten over the years. One of them being Damon's love for sneaking into her room and waiting for her to come in.

"Cause you jump like no one has ever surprised you before. It's kind of funny. I mean you are dating a vampire."

"Was," she quickly corrected him. "I was dating a vampire."

"Whatever," he scoffed, "You teenagers confuse me anyway."

"What are you doing in my room?"

"Just getting a feel for the place," he shrugged. "I have to say, I expected something a little more juvenile from you."

She remembered that at this point in time, he hadn't yet begun snooping around in her room like this. That behavior of his had begun some time later, after his feelings for her had started to surface. So what was bringing it on now? "And why is that?"

"Because you still have that idiotic belief in true love and that there's an inherent goodness in every person in the world. I just thought your decorating choices would match your delusional mindset."

"You are such an asshole," she grumbled. Even after decades spent by his side, she still saw him for what he was, and he could be one huge asshole when he wanted to be. Love didn't mean she had to be blind to him. It just meant she saw him differently. He was never mean just to be mean. There was always a reason behind it. Most of the time he was deflecting, but what she didn't know was what he was trying to deflect right now.

"But at least I'm a hot one."

Elena groaned and rolled her eyes. Yup, here was her proof that he really hadn't changed all that much in all the time they'd been together. She just didn't have the privilege of smacking him when he said things like that right now. So, she focused back on what she really wanted to know. "What are you doing here?"

Once he heard the serious tone in her voice he rose from her window seat and slowly walked toward her. "What's going on with you and Stefan?"

Elena squared her shoulders, preparing herself for a battle of the wills with Damon. "What makes you think something's going on?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact that you're suddenly not attached at the damn hip anymore?" he quipped. "Also, you did run out of my house in tears earlier today. So, again I ask, what's going on with you and Stefan?"

"Ask your brother, Damon."

"I plan to after I read his diary tomorrow. Until then, I want to know what you have to say. Why is my brother telling me that the two of you are over and that I need to stay away from you?"

She tried to resist the urge to smile. He'd come to her even though Stefan told him to stay away. It didn't mean what she wanted it to really mean, but it was something. "Why are you here if he doesn't want you around me?"

"Because I'm not taking orders from my baby brother, and hiding bodies takes some time. He's otherwise occupied."

"Whose body is he hiding?" she demanded. What the hell was going on over at the Salvatore house?

"That new History teacher." He waved his hand casually through the air, as if he was discussing the weather.

"You killed Ric?!"

"Why do you just automatically assume I did it?" She leveled him with a pointed look that had him rolling his eyes and sighing in annoyance. "It was self-defense, so wipe that stupid condescending look off your face."

"Damon, you can't just go around killing people because they make you mad."

"Why not?" he asked, like he could not fathom wrapping his brain around the idea.

"He's a human. You're much stronger and faster, so it's not self-defense and you know it. God, what in the world could even possess you to kill him?"

"Well, Stefan is trying to distract himself from whatever drama the two of you have going, by getting all involved in my business. It all started with him badgering me today about some chick I may or may not have killed or turned. I'll plead the fifth on that one. As fate would have it, he was talking about this History teacher's wife. Turns out the guy wasn't fond of my sense of humor about the whole the thing at the bachelor auction. So he tried to go all Buffy on me, only this isn't some Joss Whedon show, and I'm much better than those crappy vampires ever were, so I won. Go me!"

Wait! She knew that story. Damon had killed Ric because he knew about Isobel, and that was how they found out about the Gilbert rings. He'd come back to life. It was all okay. She was freaking out for nothing. Well, kind of … Damon was still going around killing people at will.

She also knew it was all an elaborate shield constructed to protect himself from outside pain, but those only served to cause him more problems than he wanted. And she was fully aware of the hidden reason behind this one.

Killing Ric didn't have as much to do with Ric as Damon wanted people to think, and she wasn't scared to let him know she knew that. "It won't make it go away," she told him quietly, knowing she was treading on very dangerous ground. "Killing people and draining girls until they're barely alive won't make you forget about what Katherine did. It won't make the pain go away."

His demeanor instantly changed, and her body went tense with anxiety. Damon was a loose cannon right now, and she had no way of knowing how he would react to her.

"What do you even know about my thoughts or feelings about Katherine's vanishing act?" he questioned coldly. "I know you're seventeen and you think you have the world figured out, but I'm going to fill you in on something." He took slow, calculated steps toward her, and she knew he meant to intimidate her, but she stood her ground. She would not back down from him. "You're a delusional teenager who doesn't know a damn thing about the world. Having dead parents doesn't automatically give you some great insight into how things work. Everything isn't black and white like you think it is in your little, naïve mind. Grow up, Elena."

His breath was heavy on her face by the time he finished, and she could only stare up at him in silence. He was right. The Elena he knew was a naïve, deluded little girl who had no idea what the real world was like. She thought one bad experience had taught her more than enough about the world, but it had only been the beginning. There had been dozens of other lessons she had learned over the years, but she wasn't that Elena – not yet. Not to him.

So while a part of her was mad and offended by his words, she could not argue with them. They hurt like hell, but there was truth in them, even if he was only doling it out because she'd hit a nerve. His reaction made her realize that she had hit deeper than he would have liked, and she was proud of that. He needed to hear some truths too, and though Stefan was ready to protect him from all the outside evils, he wouldn't be able to speak the truth. Stefan was too lost in his own land of denial to be able to force someone else to see the realities around them.

That was her advantage in this. Though Damon would fight her, it would help her in the end. He liked it when she stood up to him, and he admired her unflinching ability to force him to take a cold, hard look at himself when it was the last thing he wanted to do. It would lead to something good.

So as he was walking to her bedroom door, she called out to him, "Damon." Although she'd just found some newfound confidence, nerves were still evident in her voice. It felt uncomfortable to be so nervous about speaking to him. Just a few days ago, she'd felt safe in her knowledge that she could tell him absolutely anything. Today, she didn't have that luxury. She knew she was toeing a very dangerous line, and there were many things she couldn't say, but she'd still try to say as much as she dared. He didn't turn to look at her, but she knew him well enough to know he was listening. "Even though those things won't make the pain stop, you're going to get over her. It won't feel like this forever."


	4. Little Spark

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait on this one. Things have been busy. Thanks for being patient. I loved all the reviews I've gotten for this story so far, thank you. Enjoy!

**Chapter 4**

**I've been looking for you in the dark  
Give me just a little spark**

Elena stared at the ceiling above her head, her eyes as wide open as they had been seven hours ago when she got in bed. Sleep had been an elusive beast for her since she'd been back in her human life. It was something she couldn't quite catch, even if she wanted to. Every time she'd closed her eyes throughout the night Damon's death flashed through her mind, every agonizing moment of it all. It was a cruel reminder of her failure. Now she was stuck as a human again, desperately in love with a man who barely noticed her existence beyond using it to pester his brother.

Fate was one fickle bitch.

Throughout her first time as a human she'd fought everything she felt for Damon, breaking his heart at nearly every turn. Sometimes it had been a complete accident, but others, she had lashed out because she wanted to see the broken look on his face. It gave her some sick sense of control in a time where she felt she had none. The shoe was on the other foot now, and it sucked.

Yet, it gave her some odd new understanding of him that she'd never had before. She saw it from his point of view. She had to sit back and watch him try and mend his broken heart with countless women and booze, and she could do nothing about it, because he didn't love her. No wonder he'd acted so irrationally sometimes back then. She felt like she was going crazy.

Her mind was at war with itself. On one hand, she knew that he wasn't cheating on her. The Damon in front of her wasn't the one she'd been married to for decades. He had no feelings for her or any obligation to not sleep around. The other part of her told her that it was all wrong. He was hers, dammit! He wasn't supposed to sleep with any woman but her. And she felt like she might snap the next time she had to see him wrapped around some nameless college girl.

In just a few days, she'd lost count of the number of women she'd seen him parade around The Grill. She'd even walked in on him fucking some girl in the ladies room. It was horrible and it killed her every time she saw it. God only knew how many more he had at the boarding house, but Stefan had pretty effectively banned her from the house, so she had no idea of that number. Her mind simply couldn't process the reality of the situation, and every time she saw him with another woman, all she could think about was ripping out the girl's heart and shoving it down Damon's throat.

Why did he have to be such a man whore?!

She didn't remember it being this bad after Katherine last time. Sure he'd slept around, but she didn't remember him allowing himself to be so consumed by it. Yesterday, she realized that it was yet another thing she could chalk up to being her fault. Thanks to her timing of coming back, the tomb vampires didn't get out. The seal was still up. She'd even had Sheila go and check. The tomb vampires had distracted him from the Katherine situation and forced his attention onto Stefan and the ultimate blood binge Stefan went on.

Thanks to her, Stefan wouldn't get kidnapped by the tomb vampires, drink her blood, and then go off the deep end. She was just batting a thousand.

She had to formulate a plan. If she had to sit around and wait for Damon to fall in love with her again, and then fight him for a year after that, she'd go insane. She had to speed it all up and make him fall in love with her. She had the luxury of having almost one hundred years of knowledge on him. That meant knowing his weaknesses and just how to get to his heart.

The Damon right now was lonely and heartbroken. She had to show him she was there and she loved him. He needed to know she cared. She'd already decided she had to keep standing up to him. It was one of his favorite things about her, no matter how much it drove him crazy at the same time. He liked his women strong and determined. She had that in spades, and she had no problem making sure he understood that.

The alarm blared next to Elena's head and with a forceful tug she ripped the cord from the wall to throw the offensive object across the room. She didn't need a noisy reminder that another night had passed and she was still just as alone as before. She was well aware of that fact. If she wasn't, the cold, empty bed certainly clued her in on that. Not only was it hard to sleep because her mind wouldn't stop spinning, but she'd forgotten how to sleep alone.

It all sounded stupid and so codependent, but she couldn't help it. Damon had slept next to her for decades, and it felt wrong to go to sleep without him. She missed his arms around her as she went to sleep, his morning stubble that would tickle her cheek every day when she awoke. They were little things to most, but they meant the world to her.

In simple terms, she was just plain lonely.

* * *

Stefan sat silently outside of Elena's bedroom, perched precariously on a tree branch that gave him an unobstructed view into her room. It was something he hadn't done since before he "met" her, and the circumstances surrounding this exercise in stalking were far different than before. He was no longer watching to try and see if she really wasn't Katherine, but to try and learn exactly who he was up against.

Elena might not be a vampire, but she had the mentality of one. She also had the advantage of someone who had lived with his brother for longer than he'd care to think about. It was evident in nearly everything she did. Gone was the sweet Elena who never wanted to hurt anyone, and in her place was a woman with a dangerous edge. She hadn't bothered to listen to his threat at all when he told her to stay away from Damon. Hell, she saw his brother the very night he told her not to.

That was when he knew he had to take a different approach to it all. He needed to find out how to push her buttons, what her weaknesses were. He couldn't simply count on them being the same as they would have been a week ago. He had to treat her like a brand new person, because as far as he could tell, she was. She wasn't a teenager anymore. Though she still looked the same, she wasn't, and he couldn't deny that.

He also couldn't deny she loved his brother.

He didn't want to acknowledge it at first. The whole situation would be that much easier if she didn't really love Damon, but it was obvious she did. Anyone could see she was alone and lost right now, and he had no idea how anyone had not realized she was practically running after Damon begging for any scrap of attention he would give. She parked herself at The Grill every night, and from the moment that Damon walked in until the moment he left with whatever girl he'd found that night, she stared at him as if someone had told her that her entire life was a lie. In some ways, it was partially true.

Everything she'd known and believed for decades suddenly wasn't true, and it was easy to see she was having a hard time accepting it. It broke her heart to see Damon parade multiple women around town on a daily basis. It killed her to not be able to talk to him. She couldn't cope with it. That much was obvious every night she laid down to go to bed. He didn't think he'd seen her sleep for more than an hour during any night he'd watched her.

All of that was how he knew what button he had to push. It was Damon. That was how he was going to get under her skin and drive her crazy. Everything she did revolved around him right now, and he had to use that to his advantage. It would seem petty and cruel to anyone who found out, but he didn't care. No one would be able to understand why he had to do what he was doing. No one understood the bond he had with his brother. It was far more than anything human siblings could share. They'd been to hell and back more times than he could count, and he wouldn't give that up for anything. If that meant people dying and getting their hearts broken, that was just too bad.

With minimal effort he opened Elena's window and jumped into her room just after her alarm clock smashed into her bedroom wall. "Dramatic much?" he asked, and Elena shot up in bed with a high-pitched shriek.

Her head spun in his direction and she glared at him. "What the hell are you doing in my room?" she demanded.

"What's the matter?" he questioned. "You didn't seem to mind when it was Damon."

"Sitting outside of a girl's bedroom window is illegal." Her eyes narrowed and she quickly jumped out of bed. "Are you spying on me?"

"That didn't faze you, when you learned I watched you for months before we met at school."

"I was an idiot who watched too much Twilight. This Elena doesn't find it romantic. I find it creepy as hell. Get out of my room."

"In a minute. First, we have a few things to talk about."

"And what's that? Stay away from Damon? Yeah, I got your message the first time. No need to rehash it all."

He took a menacing step toward her, but she didn't appear fazed by the action. She held her ground. "Apparently you didn't," he countered "seeing as you talked to him that same night, and you've practically been his shadow ever since. You're one bad day short of sitting outside of _his _window."

"Is that what this is about?" She took her own daring step toward him, closing the gap between them even more. "You're mad that I didn't listen to you? Shouldn't surprise you. It's not like anyone has ever listened to you before. In fact, you should be used to it by now. You might be the good brother, the one everyone likes, but we all know you're not the smart one."

"But I am the dangerous one," he pointed out, knowing if she knew as much about him as she thought she did, she'd know that. He had done enough reflection over the years to understand the key differences between how he and Damon operated. It wasn't anything he'd really let himself think about until this whole Elena incident happened though.

He'd wanted to convince himself he wasn't worse than Damon. He felt he needed to believe it, because if he didn't, how could he ever be the good one? It had felt so integral to his existence in the world. It was only when he was faced with the possibility of a world without Damon that he began to rethink that. What did it matter if he was the good brother if there was no brother to compare him to? Their dynamic only worked if Damon was around to contribute to it.

That was how he knew things really needed to change. He had to let go of some of his stupid hang-ups about him and Damon. He had to accept the realities of who they both were, and both of them were lethal. They were simply lethal in vastly different ways. Damon was calculated and concise in his actions. Very rarely did he act out of emotion. There was always a detailed thought process behind why he did what he did.

Stefan though, he was different. There wasn't ever much thought behind his killings. He would bleed towns dry just for the hell of it. He would dismantle his victims and then piece them back together, like a puzzle. There was no rhyme or reason behind his killings. He killed because he needed it. And that was why he was the dangerous one.

"If you go diving over the edge while you're on human blood you're the dangerous one." She eyed him curiously, watching him closely. "Are you on human blood, Stefan?"

"Does that idea scare you? Maybe make you a little nervous?"

"It would make things a lot easier for you if it did make me nervous. I don't think my response to you being on human blood is what you'd expect though."

"Why is that?"

"Now that I can't tell you. Us women, we have to have some air of mystery to keep us interesting." She smirked, and it was easy to see how Damon had rubbed off on her in that moment. She had all the cocky air of his brother. "But gosh, are you really so scared of me that you'll jump off the wagon this quickly? Where's your perseverance?

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have no idea how much of one I have," she countered. "I know you Stefan, far better than you will ever know me. I know that you hate how weak animal blood makes you, and how you'll never really be able to be better than Damon if you can never have human blood. I know that you're scared you won't really have a shot at beating me and getting rid of Jameson if you aren't on human blood. It's not a matter of _if_ you ever go back to it, it's when."

"In that case, I'd start to watch my back a little more if I were you Elena. Cause if you know me on human blood, you know that I'll be gunning for you. I'm sure you know how well that turns out for people, especially if they're between me and Damon."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You sound strong and solid right now, but it won't last. You know how it will turn out. He might put himself between you and me at first, but if it comes down to you or me, he's choosing me. So you keep enjoying your view from across the bar, as you watch him find his new mark every night, and cry alone in your shower every day, because it's not going to get any better. He's my brother, and I will win this."

* * *

"Just because a girl smiles at you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with her." Elena slowly sat up on Damon's bed, a smirk on her face. She tried to play it calm and casual as she watched Damon come in from his bathroom, a towel draped low on his hips.

One might think that after decades of seeing his body on a daily basis it would stop having such a profound effect on her. That really wasn't the case though. She was still just as attracted to him as she had been the day she met him in the entrance of the Boarding House. He still made her heart beat a little faster, and her breaths a little shorter. And just because she was supposed to try and not be so obvious about it right now, didn't mean she could stop the reaction.

Her husband was hot!

He stopped in his tracks and stared at her in great amusement. "Breaking and entering, Elena Gilbert. Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"Maybe I wanted to switch things up a bit. Thought I should sneak into your room and see how you like it."

She had spent a long time thinking about her encounter with Stefan after he left that morning, and she had come to the conclusion that she was going to stop trying to play it under the radar. She was going to see Damon whether Stefan liked it or not.

"A girl is waiting for me on my bed. Of course I'm going to like it. The only thing that would make it better is no clothes."

"I might be slightly masochistic, but I'm not about to sleep with you so you can imagine I'm Katherine."

"Ouch," he said coldly. "You wound me." He walked over to his dresser and opened the drawer with his boxers. "Besides," his eyes met hers in the mirror, "Let's not pretend that I wouldn't rock your little, inexperienced, missionary style only world. In fact, it would really be an act of philanthropy."

Elena tried to show the proper indignation on her face that she knew her real teenage self would have, but it was a little hard when she knew he was right. Her sex life with Matt had been anything but exciting. Neither of them knew what they were doing, and it was reflected in their awkward, fumbling sex. With Stefan, it was always more about the _romance_ of it all. It was only once she started sleeping with Damon that she had realized just how few inhibitions she had in the bedroom. He brought out a side of her that she never knew existed. She just couldn't let him know that.

"And how exactly is that philanthropic?" she questioned, feeling proud at the level of annoyance she could hear in her voice.

He smirked at the question and wordlessly dropped his towel to the floor, leaving her with an unobstructed view of his very perfect ass. All too soon, he had his boxers on, and she was left with just his chest to stare at. God, how was it possible that she even missed his butt?

Slowly, he walked over to her and she tried to stay as neutral as possible, but how was a woman supposed to stay totally unaffected when her nearly naked husband was walking toward her? It simply wasn't possible. Especially when her husband just so happened to be Damon Salvatore. "You see," he leaned in to her when he reached his bed, his voice lowering seductively, "You have gone through what little sexual life you've had being robbed of the truly amazing gift of multiple orgasms. I can give you the knowledge that you deserve better, and make sure you never forget it. So many women would have no idea what sex really was if I didn't exist. And I can make sure that you're not one of them."

She knew he expected her to immediately pull back and for her cheeks to flush in embarrassment, but neither happened. She stayed glued to her spot as her breathing grew shallow and her heart rate sped up. She gave no attention to the signs of desire she was emanating though. "Fun fact," she began, her voice as low as his, "Girls are really good at faking orgasms. Exceptionally good, really. Our entire sex deserves all the Oscars in the world for the performances we've put on throughout the years."

"I've never had a woman have to fake an orgasm with me. Ever."

She smirked, a devious glint in her eyes, and she could see the confusion in his. She was going off their script. He made sexual innuendos and she shied away in embarrassment and anger. She did not play the game with him. Not the Elena he knew at least. She just didn't want to be that Elena right now. She was sick of spending every moment of every day trying to be the Elena that they all knew and loved in this time.

She wasn't that girl anymore. She was a woman who knew how the world worked. She knew what she wanted and how she wanted it. Most of all, she knew who she wanted, and as she decided, she was tired of letting Stefan dictate her being able to see him. Tonight, she was taking things into her own hands.

"It's cute that you think that." In an instant, her smirk and all of the attitude that accompanied it vanished as she placed a firm hand on his shoulder and pushed him away from her. "Seriously though, you look like shit. Maybe stop bedding every girl who crosses your path and get some sleep."

"Lord," he groaned in annoyance, "Even broken up you and Stefan are like a fucking echo. You even have the same tactic of bombarding me in my room." He began reaching for the bottle of bourbon on his nightstand, but she quickly grabbed it from his hands and darted across the bed. "Really? You're stealing my alcohol? I can get it back from you before you even have the chance to blink."

"Shut up!" she snapped, pleased with herself when she saw his mouth quickly snap shut. "You talk too much sometimes, you know that?"

"Well, I'd answer, but –" he trailed off, purposely trying to push her buttons.

"You're not going to the bar tonight, or to whatever sorority party you can find. You and I, we're going to have a little timeout. We're going to get out of this house and forget about all the shit going on for five minutes. Got it?" she demanded.

"Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"I stopped going. Who needs school?" She'd been through high school once and had no desire to relive it multiple times, unlike Stefan. She wasn't about to waste her time sitting in a classroom all day learning stuff she already knew. She had better things to do.

"Aren't you the little rebel?" he teased her.

"Just shut up and put on some clothes."

"Hold your horses. I haven't decided if I want to take part in this timeout or not yet. Exactly where are we going to _forget about all the shit going on_?"

"That is for me to know and for you to find out. Now go put on some clothes, cause I'm not leaving the house with you dressed in nothing but your boxers. You have enough of a reputation as it is, and I'm not about to take mine down with it."

"If you think your reputation hasn't been circling the drain for months, you're delusional, _and_ people love me. My reputation is fabulous."

"If you do not put some clothes on right now, I will douse you in vervain, so help me, God."

"Alright, alright," he conceded. "Cool your jets before you give yourself a wrinkle."

* * *

Damon angrily swiped another branch out of his face and groaned. "Is there a reason you're trying to separate me from the rest of civilization?" He halted and turned to smirk at her. "Are you trying to kill me?"

She smiled devilishly in return. "Maybe I want to have my wicked way with you."

"We could have stayed in my bedroom for that."

"Just keep walking." She laughed and shoved at his back. "Besides, if you would shut up and stop being a baby, you might actually realize you know where we are."

He finally stopped trying to antagonize Elena and took a moment to fully take in his surroundings. It took a moment, but once he saw the beginning of a clearing up ahead it hit him. He stopped, once again, and turned to her. "You brought me to the old Salvatore plantation?"

She shrugged, now looking nervous for the first time at her decision. "You always liked being out on the land, right?"

"Of course, but how do you know that?"

She faltered for a moment and then pushed past him, casually saying, "Stefan mentioned it when he brought me out to where the house used to be."

"Aren't you just full of surprises?"

"Okay, the Timeout has officially begun," Elena announced as she stepped into the open clearing that revealed the moon high and bright in the sky, and nothing but grass for miles. She ran out to a spot of her choosing and dropped the bag to the ground before happily digging into it and producing two bottles of liquor, and a portable stereo. "Get your ass over here. Show me your drinkin' skills!"

"Are you popping Jeremy's pills?" he questioned as he made his way over to the spot she'd picked out. "Cause you've just been acting all kinds of weird for the past couple of weeks."

She looked up from her current activity of messing with the radio she'd set on the ground and said, "Maybe I've decided I'm tired of being the girl whose parents died, and whose brother hangs out in the cemetery to smoke pot." She stood up, confidence pouring out of every inch of her. "Maybe I'm ready to be Elena again, and sometimes that means I like to have a little fun. You liked that Elena, didn't you? The one you saw in Atlanta?"

"Of course I liked her," he answered obviously. "She actually shut up about her epic love story with Stefan long enough to have a few beers and let loose. She knows how to have a good time."

"Then stop questioning where she's coming from and enjoy it. Because, tonight, she's back!" She dangled a bottle of his favorite scotch in front of him. "What do you say? You want to drink with me? Want to bring the fun Damon out?"

He stared at her in wonderment, trying to figure out who the hell this Elena was and what she'd done with the other one, yet he couldn't help but love it all at the same time. He'd barely gotten a glimpse of this Elena in Atlanta, so fleeting that he wondered if it had even been real, but now she was prodding him to get drunk out in the middle of nowhere with her.

A part of him wanted to get to the bottom of all the questions in his head, because it was all too random and crazy to be normal. This couldn't be real. Elena could not seriously have broken up with Stefan and then started treating him like someone she actually liked being in the same room with, and who she snuck out in the middle of the night with to get drunk.

He may have spent the majority of every day since he found out Katherine wasn't in the tomb totally and completely drunk, but he hadn't missed everything going on around him. He hadn't missed the fact that he seemed to be in the middle of a tug of war battle between his brother and Elena. He still had no idea why that was happening.

Then there was the Isobel thing. The alcohol had delayed him putting the pieces together on that disaster, but it had happened in time. Elena knew that Alaric's wife was her birth mother and that he either killed or turned said mother. Yet, she hadn't tried to drive a stake through him once. She hadn't even talked to him about it!

It didn't match up at all with the Elena he'd come to know over the past few months, and he was dying to get to the bottom of it all. Something huge was going on around him, and he needed to figure it out. The idea of getting drunk without his brother lurking around in doorways, watching him judgmentally with a hint of loneliness was getting to be too much for him. He didn't know how to handle the alien that had taken over Stefan's body.

Getting drunk with Elena would give him a reprieve from it. He could also use it as an opportunity to get her to spill whatever it was she was hiding. Alcohol gave people loose lips. So, really, he could do both. He could get drunk and get to the bottom of the whole thing all in one night. Others might argue that getting drunk while trying to outsmart someone else wasn't the best idea, but when had any of his ideas really been what someone would call the _best idea_? He was guessing the answer was somewhere between never and absolutely fucking never.

Why break the streak now?

"Give me the damn bottle." He snatched it from her hand and easily twisted the top off. "Watch and learn, little girl."

She giggled and picked up a bottle of tequila. "You underestimate me. I'm not the lightweight you think I am."

His eyes slowly roamed over her body, taking the time to appreciate her narrow waist and curve of her hips. "We'll see about that."

Elena bent back down to the stereo and turned it on, immediately flooding the empty clearing with obnoxiously loud music. "That we will."

* * *

"You, your sex is on fire! Consumed with what's to transpire!" Elena sang horribly off-key at the top of her lungs, spinning around with her arms waving through the air. Her head was tossed back, eyes closed, and she wore a drunken smile on her face. It was horrible and amazing all at the same time. She couldn't sing worth a damn, and she looked like a complete idiot, but despite his best efforts to feel otherwise, it was oddly endearing. She came to a sudden halt and grasped emotionally at her chest while pointing at him. "Sing!"

He held back a laugh and shook his head. He may be feeling good from the alcohol he'd consumed, but no way in hell was he about to start singing some Kings of Leon song in the middle of a field. He had some limits. "I think this is best left a solo."

"Hot as a fever, rattling bones. I could just taste it, taste it!" she sang loudly, jumping back into the song with more energy than he'd ever seen her put into anything.

"I hope whatever it is, it tastes good," he commented.

She continued singing, now waving her arms around with reckless abandon, either totally oblivious to what he'd said, or completely unfazed. "If it's not forever, if it's just tonight. Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest." She threw her arms above her head and her body began to shimmy back and forth. "You! Your sex is on fire!" Her eyes locked onto his as she started jumping around in front of him. "And you! Your sex is on fire! Consumed with what's to transpire!"

"You've lost your mind!" he yelled, trying to be heard over her obnoxious singing, but it didn't deter her in the slightest. She was shameless.

"And you, your sex is on fire!" As the final line came she threw the remainder of her energy into finishing the song, her eyes never breaking from his. "Consumed with what's to transpire!" Her voice followed through on the final notes of the song, and as it faded into sweet silence she threw herself next to him on the ground, out of breath. "That was fun."

"I didn't know you had that in you. I'm slightly impressed."

She playfully nudged his shoulder with hers. "I'm a woman of many surprises."

"So what gives? Why'd you ask me to come out here with you?" He'd let enough time pass for her to consume plenty of alcohol to get into the sharing mood. If that impromptu concert she'd just put on was any indication, he could get her to tell him anything he wanted.

"Because you needed it."

"And why is that?" He was going to start slow, ease into it with simple things. In time, he'd get down to what he really needed to know.

"Because the cycle you're in right now with the alcohol and women is driving you crazy. You wake up, remember that Katherine wasn't in the tomb, and start drinking. When that doesn't numb it enough, you find a girl to sleep with, but right after the sex is over, your mind is right back on Katherine. So, you drink some more, then find another woman, and you continue this pattern until you finally consume enough alcohol to pass out. You need this right here, right now, because your plan isn't working."

"So you're telling me I'm not getting sex at the end of this?" he questioned with feigned disappointment. "That Kings of Leon song is kind of misleading now in retrospect."

She lightly slapped the back of his head. "Shut up."

He gasped in mock indignation. "I can't believe everyone thinks you're so sweet and innocent. You're just mean."

He had no idea where any of this was coming from. He did not do this: drink with a girl he knew he had no chance of sleeping with, joke around with her, and let her continually hit him with no violence in return. He was not this guy. He didn't hang out in the friend zone. He lived in the bad boy territory, where every girl knew it was a horrible idea to date him, but still tried to anyway. That was him. This was definitely not.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You think you're so clever don't you? You think that if you keep deflecting, I will keep letting things go about Katherine, but you're wrong. I can't just stand back and watch you do this to yourself."

"And why is that?"

Elena slowly turned her head to fully look at him, looking surprisingly sober for how much alcohol she had consumed. "I care about you, Damon," she said quietly, her eyes shimmering under the moonlight. "I know we got off to a rough start, but things have changed."

"Oh yeah, since when?"

"I can't be the only one who remembers Atlanta," she said quietly. "Whether you realize it or not, I got to see a different side of you. I opened my eyes and saw you for you. And I know you don't want to hear it, but you're not the bad guy you want everyone to think you are. You're a good person, Damon. I see that."

Elena seemed to be holding her breath as she stared at him, and he wished he could give her back what she was asking for. It was obvious that she was reaching out to him, desperate to connect with him – why, he did not even know, but he could see that. And it was so typical of her.

She was a girl who cared too much about things she shouldn't. She hadn't yet learned how cruel the world could be, not really. She still believed the best in people, and for some reason, she believed in him. Unfortunately, it was a belief that she shouldn't have. He couldn't deny that she understood him more than he would like, but it was her naivety that was jading it all.

He did care too much, she saw that correctly, but he was the bad guy. Because he cared too much, he lashed out and did horrible things, which made him that way. He knew people's weaknesses, and he knew how to go for them. He went for the jugular and he made no apologies for that.

She looked at him and thought she could probably fix him and help him get over his poor, broken heart, but he knew better. Sure, the sting of Katherine's betrayal would fade, he understood that, but he'd also learned something from it. He'd given Katherine too much trust and been burned because of it. He would not make that mistake again.

So, he groaned, "Remind me to never drink with you again. You're obviously one of those deep, _let's talk about my feelings _drunk girls."

He expected the hurt look that immediately fell over Elena's face, but he didn't expect the slight guilt he felt at the sight. She quickly looked away and shook her head, acknowledging his brush-off for what it was. He was sure that she was going to get up and begin to pack everything up, but he was quickly surprised when she turned back to him, the pain completely gone from her features, now replaced by shaky confidence.

"Tell you what," she began, "If you'll actually answer my questions without dodging them all the time, I'll drop the Katherine stuff."

"Really, that's what you're after? Bonding time?"

"Maybe I recognize that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for you to have someone to talk to on occasion. I'm not saying we have to do each other's nails or anything, but it would be nice if you didn't revert to sexual innuendos all the time. Being real is kind of our thing, right?"

"As real as either of us can be in this world, I guess."

"Okay then, that gives us something to work with. So, let's talk. Doesn't it get boring sleeping with women you don't know?"

"Why would it be boring? I'm pretty much living every man's dream."

"In theory, yes," she agreed. "In reality, not a chance in hell. Sure, you're great at pleasing them, but how much can they really please you?"

"I get off, so I guess they're doing something right."

"But that's just basic sex. Don't you want good sex? Hell, Damon, don't you want great sex?" she inquired. "What's the point of sleeping with all those women if none of them know what you really like. That's what's fun about sleeping with someone who knows you. They know the spots that drive you crazy, and that's better than any one night stand."

Damon fell back into the grass, to mentally exhausted by Elena's inquiries to sit up anymore. Who was this girl? The Elena he knew would never have the balls to actually ask him about sex, much less try to initiate an entire conversation around it. This was not what he had in mind when he agreed to drink with her.

"No one who has a one night stand is looking for someone who knows them, Elena. That totally defeats the purpose of it."

Elena slowly laid down next to him on the grass, resting her head on his outstretched arm. "I know that, which is why I'm asking if it ever gets boring. It's the same thing with a different girl every time you turn around. How can you not get tired of that?"

"Because I'm a guy who has no illusions about this world and what it has to offer. Everyone from your generation now is taught that you're owed everything you want, but that's not how it works. Life sucks, and the sooner you figure that out, the easier it will all be."

"You don't believe that, not really. You like to pretend the world is a horrible place, filled with people who will only screw you over, but it's not what you really think. If it was, you wouldn't have believed Katherine was really in the tomb. You want people to be good, Damon. You just aren't surprised if they're not."

"When," he clarified. "People always disappoint you. Always."

"I find that a lot of times, people disappoint you if you're expecting it."

Oh, how sometimes he wished he could be as naïve as she was. It was all still so simple in her head. Even after all she'd been through, she still thought the world was an inherently good place. He wished she wouldn't have to face the rude awakening that would surely come to her, but he knew she had to. Everyone did.

"I thought that way too, once. Then, little by little, the world around me fell apart. My mom died, my father turned into an abusive shit, and, to top off the end to a wonderful human life, he shot me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I woke up in transition to find out Katherine was supposedly dead. At that time, being a vampire was all about her. I didn't want it without her. Then came Stefan with some compelled girl, and cut her right in front of me, because this whole vampire thing is great, and we had to do it together. That was when I started to realize the world wasn't going to be what I wanted it to be. I didn't have anyone else I could count on. Yet, I still hoped, just a little, that Katherine would turn it around. Finding out she wasn't in the tomb was what made it finally set in that everyone will betray you in the end."

Elena stayed silent next to him, surprising him when she didn't immediately have an argument ready about how he was wrong. So he was shocked when he found her fast asleep against him. Her hair was spread out around her like a curtain, and her breaths were shallow and soft. He couldn't help but find humor in the sight. After nearly begging him to really talk to her, she went and passed out like a lush the second he did. And now he'd have to get her drunk, passed out self home.

* * *

"Damon," Elena said softly in her sleep as he gently lowered her onto her bed.

"Shh, go back to sleep."

"You know I can't without you," she mumbled, grabbing at him and trying to pull him down to the bed.

"God, I let you drink too much." She might have been able to hold her own better than he thought she could, but she wasn't as much of a pro as _she_ thought she was. At least she and Stefan broke up. His brother would have tried to murder him if he got her drunk while they were still together.

Her eyes parted just enough for him to catch a glimpse of her brown eyes. "Shut up and get in bed already." Her next move caught him by such surprise he didn't even register what was happening until her lips were on his. Her mouth was soft but insistent beneath his. Her tongue found her way into his mouth all too easily, and slid slowly over his, and against all his better judgment, he let it go on for too long. "Love you," she murmured against his lips when he tried to pull away and regain some control over the situation.

They were the two words that brought him rushing back to reality. Had she just told him she loved him? It had to be him, she'd just called him by name not a minute before. First, she was begging him to get into bed, telling him she couldn't sleep without him, and next thing he knew, she was kissing him and saying she loved him.

He looked down at her sleeping form as she rolled onto her stomach and flopped her arm out across the empty expanse of her bed, still mumbling incoherently into the pillow. He watched her for several long moments, waiting to see if she would say anything else of value, but she soon faded into a silent slumber, leaving him to wonder what in the hell had just happened between them.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Stefan demanded the instant Damon came through the front door.

"Aw, what's wrong? Did I miss my curfew again, dad?" he taunted as he made his way toward the stairs, not interested in whatever Stefan's issue was tonight. There were more important things going on in his head right now that he could not abandon. Mainly, he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Elena kissed him and then told him she loved him. That wasn't normal, and it was all his head could handle right now. Stefan and his dramatics would have to wait until tomorrow.

"I know you weren't at the Grill, so don't even try to lie. I went after I got done hunting and you weren't there. So, where were you?"

"Sorority party," he threw out over his shoulder without stopping. "You know me. They beckon; I come. Well, they do too, but I'll keep the talk PG for your sensitive ears."

"Really? Elena happen to be in this sorority? Cause you sure do smell like her."

He allowed himself to stop for only an instant, refusing to allow Stefan much time to catch onto anything. He hadn't lied. He did go to a sorority house. After he left Elena's he needed a place to decompress, and what better way than to walk into a house of willing women and have his way with one of them? That should have been enough to kill her scent for Stefan's nose. The animal diet dulled all his senses. So, how could he so easily place Elena's scent buried beneath the alcohol, perfume, and sex of another woman?

"We live in the same town, Stefan. That means we do occasionally run into each other. Besides," he stopped in his doorway and turned to his brother, "Why are you trying to be my shadow all of a sudden? Didn't I pretty much just kill your best friend?"

A flash of anger and pain crossed over Stefan's features, but Damon didn't feel remorse. Lexi might be Stefan's precious best friend, and the one who saved him from Ripperdom, but Damon knew a few things about her that his brother didn't. He had good reason not to like Lexi, one of the main ones being her version of therapy. He might have issues with his brother, but no way in hell he'd chain him up for days on end to try and convert him to an animal blood diet. A diet Lexi herself wouldn't even take part in. It was all stupid and messed up, but no one cared what he thought. So, whatever.

"Fine, you want to be that way, then I'm going to bed."

"Sleep tight."

Stefan stepped back like he was going to leave, but quickly returned to Damon's doorway. "Just so you know, there's a lot more to Elena than you think. She's not the innocent, good, little teenager you think she is. You like to think you're so observant, observe that." With that, Stefan quietly walked to his room.

What the hell was his brother on? A week ago, he was totally head over heels in love with Elena, now he was running around trying to make sure Damon couldn't even see her. He acted like her name was poison. And it all made sense about as much as Elena made sense right about now. Something he hadn't even broached with her tonight.

"Son of a bitch!" he cursed quietly, throwing his shirt roughly across the room. That had been the whole plan of the night. Get Elena drunk, and get her talking. Well, he succeeded on the getting her drunk part. Yet, somehow he ended up doing all the talking. That was just fan-fucking-tastic.

He'd had his chance tonight to try and start getting to the bottom of whatever episode of The Twilight Zone he'd walked into, but he'd blown it. He let himself get lost in Elena's games and desire for fun. He forgot about his entire plan. Now, he was just as clueless as before, with his brother now being cryptic about whatever his current issue was with Elena.

He knew everything happening around him was connected right now, but he couldn't figure out what it added up to. It had to be big for it to cause such a huge rift between Stefan and Elena. And somehow he was part of that rift. It was as if Elena had done a complete 180 in an instant. She seemed totally indifferent to everything involving Stefan unless it was in regards to Stefan wanting her away from him, then she got angry. And as for him, suddenly he seemed to be who she was looking at with affection. Hell, she had just kissed him!

Her entire personality around him had shifted. Suddenly, the Elena he'd seen in Atlanta was around all the time. She smiled and laughed around him. She actively sought out his presence, and had no concerns about getting drunk around him at all. She didn't fear compulsion from him anymore; she taunted him with it. He hadn't gotten a disgusted eye roll or harsh reprimand from him since the tomb incident. She was downright pleasant to be around.

Not only that, she appeared to even have feelings for him. He wasn't oblivious to the fact that her heart raced whenever he was near her, or how it went into overdrive tonight when he was in nothing but a towel. He didn't miss the way she touched him now, and how she practically wrapped herself around his body out in the clearing tonight when they were lying down in that field. He'd noticed it all, but he never thought much of any of it, because he was a hot guy. Women tended to get aroused around him. It was nothing new, not even for Elena.

He knew she'd found him attractive on a purely sexual level since the moment they met, but most of the time that was tempered by her distaste for whatever he was currently doing at any given moment to piss her off. Now, he definitely frustrated her a lot, and she had no problem telling him so, but she was no longer disgusted with him. No, it appeared she actually liked him and wanted him.

Which lead to one question he found himself asking on a nearly constant basis: What the hell was going on?


	5. Breathe Me

**Chapter 5**

**Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up, unfold me  
I am small and needy  
Warm me up, and breathe me**

"Really, you want to wear that?" Caroline nearly shrieked as Elena brought out a dress from her closet. "I know you're not really into this whole Miss Mystic Falls thing, but are you trying to totally sabotage yourself?"

She and Caroline were currently going through her dresses trying to decide what she should wear at the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, that was coming up sooner than she'd like to admit. Well, Caroline had barged into her home, insisting that she needed to help Elena decide on a dress, because Elena simply couldn't be trusted to do it herself.

It was only the second time she'd seen Caroline since becoming a teenager again, and she was realizing she had forgotten just what a human Caroline was like. It had been decades since she'd been around Caroline as a human, and it was an exercise in patience. Caroline was one of the instances where becoming a vampire had brought out the absolute best parts of her personality, and helped the bit of a naïve teen to grow up practically overnight. This Caroline, though she still loved the blonde dearly, was hard to handle at moments. She still believed everything was simple in the world, that as long as her social status remained the same, everything was perfect. The world hadn't gotten to her yet, but if Elena didn't change the future, it would soon, and it would change her forever.

She wanted her best friend to have the chance to grow old and have babies. She knew the blonde had loved how being a vampire made her stronger, but Elena believed Caroline could grow into that same strength with time. She knew Caroline could become the badass chick that she believed vampirism made her. It had always been inside of her friend, and it could come out without her having to know the horrors of killing people. She wanted that for her friend. She wanted Caroline to have the chance that Katherine robbed of her in that hospital bed.

In time she wanted that for Caroline. Right now, she just wanted Caroline to shut up.

"What's wrong with this dress?" Elena looked incredulously at the blue dress she'd worn the first time around for the pageant, wondering what was possibly so bad about it.

"It's boring and exactly what everyone will expect you to wear. You should switch it up."

"I highly doubt anyone sits around thinking about what kind of dress I'll wear to this thing. Besides, why do you even care? We both know you're going to win anyway. It doesn't matter what I wear." Elena already knew how this story ended, and she had no desire to change it. If the dress was boring, then it was boring. Whatever.

"I want to beat you fair and square, Elena, not because you didn't take a big enough dare with your dress."

"Well, I'm wearing the dress and that's all there is to it." Annoyed, she practically tossed the blue dress back into her closet and slammed the door. She knew the dress didn't matter. Besides, she didn't even care about the stupid thing. She was only in it to dance with Damon at this point. They'd bonded the other night when she got drunk; she knew that. Now she needed to capitalize on it. She couldn't let it go to waste. "Okay, problem solved. Can we move onto other topics now?"

The moment she posed the question, she knew she'd made a deadly mistake. "If you insist," Caroline sighed, a delighted smile on her face. She'd totally gotten played. Caroline didn't give a damn about the dress; she just knew that Elena would get annoyed and want to change the subject, leaving her with the perfect opening to ask, "Why'd you and Stefan break up? You still haven't told me anything of value."

Lovely, she was the one with dozens of years of knowledge, and she'd gotten played by a teenager. Being a human again was seriously screwing with her head.

With an annoyed groan she threw herself onto her bed next to Caroline. "You haven't gotten anything out of me because there's nothing to share. Things just weren't working out, so we broke up. That's all there is to it."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "You don't really expect me to buy that do you? The guy couldn't even pretend to care about a single word I had to say when he swept into town a few months ago because he was so captivated by you. A captivation you completely returned, I might add. Now, I'm supposed to believe that things just totally fell apart overnight? I know I'm not the smartest cookie around, but I know my social cues. You two were totally in love, like a week ago."

"I don't know what to tell you, Caroline." And she honestly didn't.

It wasn't that she wanted to lie to her best friend, not really. She wanted to let Caroline in on everything, but she didn't know how to do that quite yet. You could never really pin down Caroline and correctly predict how she'd respond to a lot of things, especially back when she was a human. She had trouble keeping her mouth shut, and tended to put boys above all else. It made things tricky, and she was still trying to determine how to work her way through it all.

"How about you tell me the truth, Elena? We're best friends after all." She rolled over and gave Elena a pointed look. "And by the truth, I mean _who_. There's no way someone else isn't in the middle of this whole thing. So let me in on it, who did he fall for?"

"Stefan?" she practically blanched. "The only person Stefan gives a damn about right now is Damon. Trust me when I say he didn't cheat on me."

"Oh my god," Caroline gasped. "_You_ fell for someone."

"What makes you think that?"

"No breakup comes on this quickly unless someone else was involved. If Stefan didn't find someone else, then you did. Who is it? You have to tell me."

"Caroline," she sighed, scared of where the conversation would lead if her friend found out the guy in question was Damon.

"Come on, Elena. Tell me."

"You really don't want to know the answer to this."

"Please tell me it's not Matt," Caroline's voice dropped with fear and concern, and Elena immediately felt horrible. She'd practically forgotten how insecure human Caroline was. Her friend was now worried that she'd say she was in love with Matt, and that she'd steal him from Caroline.

"I promise you it's not Matt," Elena quickly assured her. "Matt is all yours, so calm down. It's –" the words caught in Elena's throat as she tried to figure out how she would even say them, but she had to. She couldn't let Caroline think it was Matt. "It's Damon. He's what happened to me and Stefan."

She held her breath and closed her eyes, scared of what the response would be, but she couldn't deny a part of her also felt relieved that she'd said the words aloud. She hated how many secrets she was keeping right now and even just blurting out something as small as that felt good.

"Damon Salvatore?" Caroline questioned slowly, as if his name was a foreign language she couldn't understand. "You like _Damon_? The guy I dated for all of 5 seconds and who treated me like crap for most of it? That Damon?"

Elena cringed at the reminder of what an ass Damon had been to Caroline once upon a time. It wasn't something she liked to think about, which wasn't very good on her part, but in her defense, Caroline and Damon had made peace. Over time, with a lot of growth and mellowing on Damon's part, they'd found an understanding for each other. Caroline forgave him and they all moved on. That wasn't the case right now though, and she needed to keep that in mind.

"I know he's done some bad things, and he wasn't good to you, but I've gotten to know a different side of him lately. He's different than he wants people to think. He just needs a little help sometimes."

"Help finding a soul," Caroline mumbled. The blonde sat up and moved back against the pillows at the top of Elena's bed. "What do you even see in him? Besides his looks, I mean. Even a blind person can see how hot he is."

Oh, how could she explain her feelings to Caroline without giving everything away? She would let Caroline know everything in time, it just needed to be slow. So, she had to start with the basics of why she loved Damon, then build on it all later. She could do that.

With a sigh, she rolled to her side and stared up her bed at Caroline. "It took me a while to understand it, but Damon isn't the way he is because he's a bad guy. He's been through a lot of horrible things in his life. His family life wasn't the greatest, and then some really bad things happened with him and Stefan. Once I understood that, it helped me see him in a whole new way. He's just a guy who cares more than he wants people to believe, and who needs someone around who cares too. He'd do anything for the people he loves, and I admire that. I get it." She shrugged and shook her head, knowing there was so much more to the story that she just couldn't say yet, so she ended it with, "I get him."

"If you say so." Caroline rolled her eyes. "So, does he know you like him? Have you told him?"

"I haven't told him, but it's Damon, so I'm sure he's already onto it."

After her drunken display the other night, she didn't know how he wouldn't have figured it out. Between the Kings of Leon rendition and falling asleep on him, it had to be a pretty dead giveaway. She was also sure he had noticed just what kind of effect he was having on her physically when he was around. Right now it was just a matter of him finally deciding to bring it up with her.

She needed to take this slow. She couldn't be the one to go after him. It would feel too much like Katherine, and seeing as he had no good feelings for Katherine right now, she wanted to avoid all comparisons at all costs. She had to stand aside and leave an impression on him. So far, she was pretty sure she was getting his attention. He hadn't been quite as sexually active in the past few days as he had been before their drinking session. And while it wasn't what she wanted, it was progress. Right now, she'd take what she could get.

"Okay, I don't want you to get the idea that I support this, cause I totally don't. Damon will just use you and dump you like yesterday's garbage, trust me. _However_, if you're really sure that there's a whole different person inside of him that resembles an actual human, I'll help you." Elena couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. But before she could get too excited, Caroline said, "And when he breaks your heart, I'll help you with that too."

"You really mean that?" She didn't know why she was so surprised when, even during her most shallow years, Caroline had always been a good friend. She loved her friends dearly, and always wanted the best for them. She wanted everyone around her to be happy, even if she didn't necessarily agree with it.

Well, she did have a few phases where she wavered on that, because for all of her love and affection for her friends, it did leave her a bit misguided at times. It had been hard to understand Caroline's intense feelings and thoughts on her relationship falling apart with Stefan all those years ago, and her ultimately ending up with Damon, but she'd come around in time. She realized later that a lot of Caroline's feelings during that time had nothing to do with Elena, but everything to do with herself, and issues she'd never worked out with Damon. Once those got sorted out, everything calmed down and settled. Elena could make that happen again.

"If Damon's who you want, then he's who you want. As your friend, it's my job to warn you about how horrible of an idea this is, but to also help you in any way I can. It's my job to make sure you don't totally jump into this and do it the wrong way."

"I want him to escort me to Miss Mystic Falls," Elena revealed. "Seeing as Stefan and I aren't together, I'm without a date."

"You do know that's never happening, right?" Caroline questioned. "Besides, it's the day before this thing, Elena. Asking him now would just look desperate. Have Jeremy or one of the football guys take you and call it a day. If you want anything with Damon, you need to distance yourself as much as you can from stuff that highlights the fact that you're seventeen."

Oh, did she know. She knew all too well she wouldn't get Damon to escort her under normal circumstances at all. The only reason he had the first time around was because Stefan was off making Amber his prey in the woods. And seeing how Stefan wasn't on human blood, to her knowledge, that was totally out of the question.

"I know, but it doesn't mean I can't want it."

"If only there was a way you could trick him into it," Caroline mused softly, staring off into the distance.

A light bulb went off in Elena's head and she shot up. "Oh my god! Caroline, you're brilliant!" She didn't have to go with someone else to Miss Mystic Falls. She just had to trick Damon into thinking she had a date and got abandoned. She could recreate what happened last time even if the circumstances weren't the same. "Thanks for your help! I have to go, but I'll call you later."

* * *

"I need your help," Elena announced as she threw her purse down in the seat across from Bonnie at the Grill.

Her friend looked up from the book in front of her, a confused look on her face. "With what? Your homework? Getting you to school? You haven't been there since before the whole tomb incident."

Elena rolled her eyes and brushed off Bonnie's annoyance. She was not going back to school. Been there, done that. She'd just get Damon to compel her a diploma, or do it her damn self when she became a vampire again. Stefan could be the one in the Salvatore family to relive the teenage dream over and over. She was more than content being an adult, even if her body was technically stuck at teenage years forever.

"I'm not going back to school, so we can drop that. The Miss Mystic Falls Pageant is tomorrow. That's the moment Damon says he realized something was happening with us. Stefan was off trying to drain Amber in the woods, so Damon had to step in as my date, and we danced together. I need to make that happen. Only problem is, now that Stefan and I are broken up and he hates me, Damon won't have a reason to step in for him when he's missing."

"Call me crazy, but I have an idea. Ask him to be your escort."

"He'd take a vervain bath before he'll actually agreed agree to escort someone to this thing. The only reason he did it last time was because Stefan wasn't there and I was left with no escort. We have to make that happen again, which means we need a distraction."

"And what would that be? We can't exactly lock him in a room. I know he's a little slow sometimes, but he's not that slow."

"I know that," she paused and looked nervously down at her hands, "And that's where this gets tricky. Stefan missed it all last time because he was going off the rails. That was what led to me really starting to get an understanding of Damon and bond with him. We had to lock Stefan in the cellar, and it gave us time away from the world. It's when I got to start seeing the real him."

"You are not about to suggest what I think you're going to," Bonnie hissed. "If Stefan is as bad as you've told me, you cannot just send him over the edge and let him loose on this town." Bonnie slammed her book shut and leaned forward. "Forget the town, even. What about you? As you've said, he hates you. If he starts to go crazy, who do you think he's going for first?"

"Calm down. I'm not saying we need to get him on human blood again. It's not like we'd even have enough time for him to lose it before the pageant anyway."

"You have got to be kidding me," Bonnie groaned, understanding that just because Elena didn't think it was an option right this moment, it didn't mean she wasn't expecting it down the line.

"He's unstable, Bonnie. It's bound to happen sooner or later. Am I really that horrible if I choose to maybe capitalize on it when it happens?"

"Yes! You're wanting Stefan to fall off the wagon so you can have time alone with Damon. You sound crazy."

"Well, I feel a little crazy, okay? My husband is sleeping his way through the better part of the female population of Virginia. Then, my brother-in-law has declared me enemy number one, and is stalking me to try and keep me away from his brother. I know this is all crazy and out of left field to you, but this is hard for me, Bonnie. For 80 years I have spent nearly every moment with Damon, and now I'm barely allowed to look at him. So forgive me, if my ideas are a little too unorthodox for you, but I miss my husband. Cause that's what he is to me, and I know that isn't _your_ reality, but it's _mine_."

Bonnie was silent for several moments, her eyes locked on Elena's, searching for something deep in her gaze. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"With everything I have," Elena confirmed, "Mind, body, and soul. He's my everything."

Bonnie's eyes fell shut and she let out a small sigh. Elena knew she'd convinced her friend to help her, even if her friend was still greatly unsure of why she was doing it. "Okay, you have any ideas – _other_ than leaving this entire town vulnerable to Stefan's crazy side?"

"We have to distract him," she quickly decided. "Even though he's not supposed to be my date he will probably still show up, but if he's not there at all, he won't be able to keep Damon from stepping in. He cannot be at the pageant."

"Let me guess," Bonnie mumbled, "I'm the distraction."

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not asking you to tap a vein for him or anything. You and Stefan have a tentative bond. If he thinks you need help, he'll help you."

"What makes you think that? From what you've been saying, you just make him sound like a carefully put together sociopath."

Elena looked away guiltily, knowing she'd been going a bit overboard with her current dislike of Stefan. She was just really emotional and unstable herself right now. The truth was, it really hurt how Stefan felt about her at the moment. She and Stefan had a rough patch after their breakup, but over the years they grew exceptionally close. He was a brother to her, and if she had _that_ Stefan with her right now, there was no way this would even be happening. He'd be ashamed with the current Stefan's behavior. But she didn't have the Stefan she knew as her brother. No, she had the unstable Stefan who hadn't found a balance in his life yet.

The unstable Stefan was lashing out at her, and in some not so mature decisions on her part, she was lashing out too. She was letting her pain cloud her real memories of Stefan and the man he grew into. So, while she knew he was hanging on by a thread, just like she was, and that no one could reason with him but Damon, she needed to cool down on her irrational ramblings. Or at least try to. She had the hormones of a teenage girl again. Irrationality was bound to happen more than she'd like.

"I know I've been saying a lot of horrible things about Stefan, but I shouldn't have failed to mention he's a good person too. I'm not lying about his behavior, but he does get himself sorted out in the future. It's hard for me to deal with this version of him. He just has a lot of issues, Bonnie, kind of like Damon. Stefan's issues just happen to severely be in my way, and that sends me off on a few Caroline-esque rambles."

"Fine," Bonnie sighed after pondering Elena's words for several moments. "What do you want me to do?"

* * *

As Elena stood at the top of the landing the next day, waiting for her name to be called, she couldn't help but think this felt eerily similar to the first time she'd been standing there. Years ago, she'd been nervous and scared for Stefan, concerned about whether he was really in as deep with the blood as Damon said. Now, she was scared that this wouldn't be like the first time. She was desperately clinging to the hope that she could capture Damon's attention the way she had then.

That moment had been one of those rare times in your life where something was so magical it took years to understand it. That dance had been the first real, genuine connection they'd made that wasn't born out of lies or ulterior motives or assisted with alcohol. It was the moment he started getting into her heart, even if she didn't want to see it. And though Damon wouldn't tell her until more than a decade later, it was the first time he really saw into her soul. Any feelings or thoughts he had associated with her about Katherine disappeared in that moment for him, and she needed that.

Right now, she knew he couldn't look at her without seeing Katherine in some way, shape, or form. She wasn't quite a person who wasn't an extension of Stefan or Katherine to him yet. She needed this dance, because it would finally set her apart from his brother and the woman who mercilessly broke his heart. Most of all, she just needed him to look at her like he knew her, and like there was nothing in this world that mattered to him the way she did. She needed one moment to feel like she had her husband back.

When her name was finally called, she took a deep breath and tried to calm the nerves rushing through her as she slowly began to descend the staircase. Her eyes searched the crowd for Damon, and when she finally spotted him, she was instantly transported back to that moment, and it felt like it was happening all over again. She felt like she was seeing him for the first time and butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

The closer she got to the bottom, she kept waiting for him to jump into action and be her savior of the day, but he never moved. He stood still in his spot, no uncertainty or curiosity on his face. The only part of him that moved was his eyes, and she slowly followed the path they'd taken until she found her own gaze reaching the bottom of the stairs. There, waiting for her in the spot he should have been more than 80 years ago, was Stefan, and he looked as pleased with himself as she'd ever seen.

Ever the gentleman, he held his arm out for her the way any suitable escort would, and knowing she couldn't make a scene, she slid her arm through his seamlessly. On the outside, she looked calm and put together, just like a Miss Mystic Falls nominee should appear, but on the inside, all hell was breaking loose. What on earth was happening? Bonnie was supposed to have called Stefan, claiming she had a flat tire. He was supposed to be pretending to be the gentleman he wanted everyone to think he was.

So, why the fuck was he messing up her moment?

As he led her out onto that patio, the beginnings of the song starting to rise up, she wanted to rip her arm away and cry, but she knew she couldn't do that. She had to put a smile on her face and act like this was the plan all along, just as she'd had to do back then.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, her voice sharp with accusation.

"Making sure you didn't find yourself alone at the bottom of those stairs, obviously."

"Jackass," she hissed, making sure to dance the dance just as she had decades ago, and as Caroline had pounded into her brain yet again, just this week.

She couldn't help but find Damon in the crowd again. He looked bored and like he'd rather be anywhere else rather than watching some stupid dance that had been around since he was a human. And she hated Stefan for it. This was supposed to be her time with Damon. This was supposed to change everything, and here was Stefan, messing it up. He was messing everything up!

"What's the matter?" he asked mockingly when they finally joined together and began the waltz. "You expected someone else at the bottom of those stairs?"

"Why would you do this?" she hissed. "This wasn't how it was supposed to be. You're changing everything."

"Well, hate to break it to you, kid, but I'm here to mess your perfect, little life up." The music began to end, and they found themselves back at their starting point. "Get that through your head before I do it for you."

"I hate you so much right now, Stefan."

It took every ounce of strength she possessed to hold it together for the rest of the dance. She was dying inside, and it was killing her to try and pretend to be happy and okay with the world, when she was anything but. Why couldn't things go her way? Why did he have to hate her and find glee in ruining her life? Why couldn't he just accept that she loved Damon and wanted to save him as much as he did?

When the dance came to an end, she gladly stepped away from Stefan and back in her spot. She waited for a few short seconds before she lifted her dress and ran off for the dressing room. She ran up the stairs, nearly tripping more than once, but she was determined to get to her phone and call Bonnie. She wanted to know what went so horribly wrong with their plan.

"How bad was it?" Bonnie asked when she answered the phone.

"How _bad_ was it?" Elena repeated angrily. "It was a disaster, nothing like it was supposed to be. What the hell happened, Bonnie?"

"Look, I just got here. Tell me where you are, and we'll talk."

"I'm upstairs in the room where we all got dressed. And you better have a good explanation for why Stefan ended up at the bottom of those stairs and not Damon."

She slammed her phone down onto the vanity and let out an annoyed scream. She didn't care who heard her or what people would say. None of their opinions mattered anyway. All that mattered was Damon and being with him again. Now, thanks to the failed plan, and Stefan ending up as her escort, she was still stuck at square one.

Why couldn't it go right? It wasn't like she was asking for anything big. She wanted a dance – one measly dance. Why couldn't she get it? It felt like the world was against her.

"I'm sorry," Bonnie apologized as she came into the room. "He knew something was going on the minute I called him. I really did try. I'm sorry."

"Why is this happening to me?" she shrieked. "Damon should have been at the bottom of those stairs, not Stefan. It's not fair!"

"I know," Bonnie said quietly.

"You should have seen him, Bonnie. Stefan was so pleased with himself. He looked like the cat that ate the fucking canary, and all I wanted to do was rip his heart out. He's trying to ruin everything!"

"You're talking like Damon again."

"Huh?" Elena stopped pacing and turned to face Bonnie. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't hear it, do you?" When Elena continued to stare at her incredulously, the witch explained, "It's like you've picked up Damon's habits overnight. Saying you want to rip someone's heart out? Totally a Damon thing."

Her brows furrowed in confusion, and she asked, "Isn't that what people kind of do after they've been together for a long time, pick up traits from their partner?" She knew Bonnie was right and that she did sound like Damon sometimes, but it was something that had been so natural to her for so long that at this point she never noticed it anymore.

"I guess," Bonnie said softly. "It feels weird though, like you've done a complete 180 overnight. To you, it might be normal, but I don't know this version of you."

"What do you mean this version of me? I'm still _me_, Bonnie, just a little older. I've grown and changed, but I'm still the same person deep down."

"Exactly – deep down. On the surface though? You're totally different."

Elena swallowed nervously. "Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"I can't stand, Damon. So, this change is a little confusing for me. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just a new thing, and I don't know what to think about it yet."

"You don't know what to think about _me_," Elena clarified, a noticeable edge to her voice, even though she was truly hurt by what she knew Bonnie was getting at. She didn't like this new Elena.

"Don't get mad. I'm not saying it to be cruel. I'm trying to be honest here. I am trying to understand that you're going through a hard time right now. It's hard, but I'm trying. What's confusing though is this new, violent side to you. Talking about ripping hearts out, wanting Stefan to go back on human blood so you can be alone with Damon, and trying to get me to distract Stefan so you can relive your love story with Damon. By even being here, you are playing a very dangerous game, and as if that's not enough, you're altering everything. It will not end well. Do you get that?"

"Get to the point, Bonnie," she snapped. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you need to calm down. I know you miss Damon and want an eternity with him, but some things, no matter how bad you want them to, cannot change. You may succeed in getting rid of who killed Damon in the future before it happens again, but it doesn't mean it wasn't his time." Bonnie took a step toward her, and she was almost scared to hear what would come out of her friend's mouth next. "Things happen for a reason, Elena. I know it's not what you want to hear from me, but you need to hear it, and you need to accept it. Because if you don't stop playing God, bad things will happen."

"I will not lose him again," she hissed. "So you can take whatever thoughts you have about this new me and shove them for all I care. I love that man, and I will not let him die, no matter who gets in my way. Are we clear?"

Bonnie sadly looked away and shook her head. "Yeah, we're clear."

"Good, now get out of my way. I have a Miss Mystic Falls crown to lose."

She stalked out of the room, her head held high, and looking every bit of the strong, unfazed girl she wanted to, but it was all a lie. She didn't feel strong and she didn't feel unfazed. She felt like the universe was against her. She'd never wanted to be in this time. She just wanted to go back a few weeks, and now she was stuck living her teenage years all over again. Instead of being able to use her knowledge to help things, she was messing it all up, and everyone was against her.

Stefan hated her, and was probably one wrong move away from making her just another name on his long list of humans he'd killed over the years. Bonnie, the one friend she was supposed to have on her side, had just told her she pretty much hated her. She hadn't said the words, but saying she couldn't stand Damon, only to follow it up with Elena behaving like Damon sent a pretty clear message. Elena was too much like Damon for Bonnie's taste, and if she kept it up, she'd have an enemy in the witch.

Now, her plan had been a disaster, and the first moment she'd actually been looking forward to reliving in this time was gone. It would never happen. He would never know about that dance, and how incredibly powerful it had been. The first moment that ever defined them as two people who had feelings for each other was now erased from history, never to be seen or known by anyone but her.

* * *

Damon followed Elena's scent through the dark cemetery, though he knew it wasn't necessary. She was going to be at her parents' grave. He felt a tad stalkerish for knowing that, but he'd been oddly fascinated by the teenager with Katherine's face when he first met her that night in the middle of the road, right before her parents died. He hadn't done quite the amount of stalking that Stefan had done over those summer months, but he'd done enough to feel creepy.

And he certainly felt creepy right now tracking her down in a cemetery, but after she'd nearly run out of Miss Mystic Falls after Caroline won, he felt a twinge of sympathy or whatever that emotion was called. She'd been upset from the moment she realized Stefan was at the bottom of those stairs, and he'd focused his hearing just in time to hear Stefan tell her he was going to mess her life up. She hadn't responded well to that, obviously.

So, against all his better judgment, he found himself in the middle of a cemetery at 10:00 at night, and surprisingly, he wasn't here to kill anyone. What was happening to his life?

"You're going to be known as the weird girl who hangs out in the cemetery if you pick this habit up again," he said as he approached her, causing her to jump and glare in his direction. "Sorry," he quickly apologized, "Probably should have announced myself a little better."

"It's creepy to sneak up on people in cemeteries," she told him, quickly trying to wipe at her eyes.

"Maybe to people who don't sit in one in the middle of the night while dressed in an evening gown." She was still dressed in the gown she'd worn earlier in the day, and her heels were discarded next to her as she sat in front of the grave where her parents were buried together, a place he knew she thought she should be buried as well.

He'd observed her enough after her parents died to know she felt she should have died with them that night. It had been a hard time for her, trying to cope with such a substantial loss, and it was something he understood far more than he was sure she would ever guess.

"Oh, who cares," she grumbled, "It's a stupid dress anyway."

"Glad you think that, cause you're ruining it." He slowly sat down next to her, purposely invading her personal space. He wasn't above trying to make her uncomfortable, even if she was upset and moping. His hand brushed against hers and her normally warm skin was icy to the touch. "Jesus, you're freezing." He pulled off his suit jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Are you trying to get hypothermia?"

She looked down in confusion at his jacket now hanging over her shoulders. "I didn't notice."

"Don't let today get to you. Things like that aren't for girls like you. They're meant for Carolines, who put all their worth in their popularity and how much someone likes them. It's not based on anything substantial, at all."

"I don't care about that stupid thing. I only signed up because my mom wanted me to." She inhaled sharply and looked down at her fidgeting hands in her lap. "I don't even like this stuff."

He was annoyingly relieved to find that out. He'd never pegged Elena as the type of girl to care about those things. If she wasn't out here for that though, why was she here? "Okay then, if it's not losing, then why are you sitting out here all by yourself trying to catch pneumonia?"

Instead of answering him, she turned toward him and asked, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"I pretty much think everyone's stupid, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask."

"I'm being serious, Damon. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Did he think Elena was stupid? That was a loaded question if he'd ever heard one. There was really no way for a man to answer that question without pissing off the woman asking it. Did he think Elena was naïve and a little too idealistic? Of course he did. Stupid, though? No, he definitely didn't think that. She knew a lot for her age, but there was still plenty she needed to learn. It didn't make her stupid though.

"No," he finally answered softly, veering away from his usual tactics for a moment. It was obvious to see it wouldn't do any good for anyone. Somehow, Elena was genuinely upset about something, and for some unknown reason, he didn't feel like adding fuel to the fire on this night. "I think you're smarter than people give you credit for – stronger too, a lot stronger."

Tears shone in her dark eyes and she shakily nodded her head before looking away. "I don't feel like it right now. In fact, I feel pretty freaking stupid."

"And why is that?" he prodded, trying to gently pull information out of her without being too abrasive. Just because he was being a little more considerate, it didn't mean he couldn't also look out for his own agenda at the same time. The two weren't mutually exclusive.

"Because you're more right about me than I wanted to think. I am naïve," she admitted, but quickly added, "About some things, at least. Having certain life experiences doesn't give me as much insight to the people around me as I thought it did. I'm not psychic. I can't predict what people are going to do, so why am I even trying to?"

"Because you're quite possibly one of the most, if not _the most_, stubborn person I have ever met during my time on this planet. You don't exactly respond well to other people's ideas of what you should do or feel."

"And it's just working out great for me right about now."

Okay, that was it; he needed to just go for it. "Is this about my brother and whatever it was that was going on between the two of you earlier? I caught the end of the little dance argument you two had going on."

"You heard that, huh?"

"Enough to know you weren't happy that he was the one dancing with you. So, who was supposed to be dancing with you?"

"Doesn't matter now. It's all ruined. I'm messing everything up!"

"I thought I was supposed to be the pessimistic one in this duo."

Though he hoped to emit some sign of amusement from her, wanting to avoid tears at all costs, she only sniffled in return. "I just wanted something to go right. God, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be here."

"You want to know a secret?" he asked. "Everyone thinks that sometimes. Life is hard, and there are moments that it doesn't make any sense at all. Sometimes none of it even feels worth it. Here's the important part though, so pay attention. Things happen for a reason, and you are supposed to be here. Never forget that."

"I know you're trying to make me feel better, but that's actually the worst thing I could hear right now." Her voice was shaking with barely contained cries.

"Come on, Elena. You know I'm horrible at this stuff. I can't handle crying girls. Tell me the right thing to say here."

She turned to him, her bottom lip quivering, and asked, "Will you just sit with me?"

It was yet another request from Elena Gilbert that he didn't see coming. He seemed to be getting a lot of those lately. Every time he was around her, she was surprising him more and more. He was still determined to find out where it was coming from, but a part of him was also scared to question it. He liked this Elena, and he didn't know if he'd like the reason behind it. Maybe he could let it all slide for one more night. He'd figure everything out soon, but right now, while she was crying and practically begging for a friend, he couldn't challenge her. He'd get the answers he needed tomorrow.

"Yeah," he finally said softly. "I can do that." He sat silently next to her as they stared into the darkness. "For what it's worth, I don't think everything is ruined. Life sucks sometimes, but you're going to be fine."

His words seemed to hit a nerve and Elena's cries tore free as she finally broke down. He didn't know whether that was the reaction he had really wanted from her, but he had a feeling it was one he'd needed to get. She was devastated right now, about what, he didn't know, but it was clear she needed to feel she had a shoulder to lean on.

When he found her alone at her parents' grave, she looked so painfully alone. She was crying out for someone right now, someone who could comfort her and give her space at the same time. Tonight, it was a job he could handle. He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she gratefully fell into his side, her face falling into his neck.

It was a scene no one would ever believe – the deadly Damon Salvatore consoling a sobbing teenager. It sounded preposterous in his own head, but it was true. Somehow Elena was pulling him out of the black hole he'd found himself in after Katherine's betrayal. And tonight, for the first time since he found the tomb devoid of Katherine, he felt like it would get better, even if Elena didn't share the same belief in this moment, he did. It had helped him in his darkest hours, and maybe, just maybe, it could do something for her as well.


End file.
